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Friday, November 17, 2017

Write hand.

I'm kind of busy right now, Marvin. Just tell them that I can't talk. And in any case, I don't want to go on a Caribbean Cruise, even if it IS free. Cheese and crackers. (Hey, that sounds kind of good right about now.)

Writing is a hungry business. Just ask Hemingway, the guy with the moveable feast. I'm a little sensitive about interruptions today, so I beg your pardon ... Marvin (my personal robot assistant) keeps coming into my study (a.k.a. the old forge room in the abandoned Cheney Hammer Mill) with nonsensical requests. Stuff like, "You've got a phone call from Missouri" or "There's a brush salesman at the door" or "Leave the building - it's on fire". Be honest - would you listen?

What am I working on so feverishly? Ah, nothing. Just the script to this year's Ned Trek Christmas Special. Last year we did an "It's A Wonderful Life" parody. The year before I believe it was "A Christmas Carol". And of course we began this annual comedic atrocity with a take-off on "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer", though I think our first Ned Trek holiday extravaganza was the Santorum's Christmas Planet episode, based loosely on the classic Star Trek "Return of the Archons" script. I mean, how do you top THAT? I am sorely tempted to cop out and do a clip show, but I happen to know that there are some new songs in the works (again), so that won't wash.

Forget the stupid tree, Willard.Actually, we're recording a handful of songs, including some older numbers we've never properly tracked before using modern technology. There are a couple of new ones in the works. I am trying to write around this eclectic mishmash of musical material. As you know, we are sticklers for continuity and comprehensibility. And quality. And irony. Massive irony. Heh heh.

It is hard to concentrate in a hammer mill, no matter what state it's in. (This one happens to be in New York.) But even with all the distractions, the diversions, the cold November wind blowing through chinks in the mortar, I SHOULD be able to write this freaking script. Hell, it should write itself. Shouldn't it? Of course, last year's Christmas show came in February ... of THIS year.

There goes the phone again. Tell them I don't want a higher limit on my credit card!

Kim Jong Saud.

The Saudis have destroyed a key airport in Yemen, a point of entry for crucial aid shipments, making the grim prospect of a major famine even more likely than before. This happened the same week that the Kingdom apparently chose to hold Lebanese prime minister Saad Hariri against his will, by some accounts, and forced his resignation (Hariri now disputes this) in an effort to sow discord in a country that survived a 15-year sectarian civil war. This multi-pronged effort to roll back Shi'a influence in the region is largely the handiwork of Arabia's 32-year-old crown prince Mohammed bin Salman (or "MBS" as the folks in the know call him), a man who is taking the blood-stained legacy of Saudi's extremism up to the next level.

Meet Sal the Butcher.Praised by many in the American imperial class as a "modernizer", Prince Salman has leveled neighboring Yemen over the past two years, turning it into one of the world's most deadly war zones. This attack was probably born of the Iran nuclear deal; perhaps Yemen was the bone thrown to a disgruntled kingdom after an American war with Persia was averted. The fight in Yemen is an extension of Saudi's longterm efforts to remake the Arab world in its own image. Its principal enemy used to be Arab nationalism, championed by Nassar and others. Now that that wave of leaders is past, Iran and Shi'a populations are in the crosshairs, and the trigger has been pulled repeatedly - in Bahrain, in Syria, and most devastatingly in Yemen.

I don't want to place responsibility for this disgusting war solely at the feet of MBS and his autocratic government. They could not do what they're doing without military and diplomatic support from the United States. If we told them - firmly - to stop, they would stop. The fact that it continues demonstrates a desire on the part of Washington - and elements of both major political parties - for the conflict to continue. It's similar to the situation in Korea in that there is an obvious solution to the problem and the fact that we fail to grab it up suggests more than stupidity and stubbornness. The other similarity is that MBS's swagger is like that of Kim Jong Un, only our leaders appear willing to eat it up. Really disturbing.

I strongly suggest you contact your congressional representatives and tell them in no uncertain terms that this conflict has gone on long enough and it is time for the killing to stop. Senator Chris Murphy appears to have gotten the memo - now let's see if we can get others on board.

luv u,

jp

Friday, November 10, 2017

Inside November. (Again.)

Man, is that the wind? Sounds like a freaking freight train. There goes the good weather. It was a nice couple of days, but hey .... all good things must end. (Hey Marvin ... got any more platitudes I can borrow? Thanks, man.) Well, it's November in upstate New York. Things start slowing down a little bit around these parts. That's partly why we had time to finish another episode of THIS IS BIG GREEN and post it this past week. Haven't heard it yet? Well, this is what you have to look forward to:

Ned Trek 34 - Shitty and a Bit of a Stretch. Another Ned Trek non-musical episode, this one loosely based on the classic Star Trek script "City on the Edge of Forever," originally written by famed sci-fi writer Harlan Ellison. Captain Willard, Mr. Ned, Mr. Perle, and the Nixon android all leap into Earth's history in an attempt to stop a crazed Doc Coburn from changing the past and foreclosing on the future. Will they succeed? Well ... robo Nixon does start a home for wayward clowns. That could make all the difference.

Put The Phone Down. Matt and I go into a wide-ranging discussion about Nixon's happiest days, Seb Gorka's descent back into internet racist rants, our somewhat spotty memories of the 1970s Eric Idle / Neil Innes parody of Beatle history called The Rutles, a look inside how Matt works on stuff, and a review of the television we used to watch with our parents back in the 1960s and 70s. Some impromptu singing and swanning about on various instruments.

Posted!Christmas Songs. We did a short block of Big Green Christmas songs by way of a little preview of the holidays to come. These include:
  • Christmas Green, a Willard song from one of our early Ned Trek episodes;
  • Jit Jaguar's Christmas, a relatively recent recording of a quirky, older number we've played on the podcast before;
  • Horrible People, a Ned song from a few years ago, featuring the ubiquitous 40s guys on backup vocals;
  • Christmas Presence, a recent re-recording of one of Matt's several takes on A Christmas Carol (this song appeared on his amazing 1994 Christmas cassette collection);
  • Make that Christmas Shine, another Willard song from that early Ned Trek Christmas special (the one with Santorum's Christmas planet).
That's about it for November. We have some more new stuff coming for the Holiday show, which will appear sometime around the holidays (hopefully).

Making it count.

My reaction to Tuesday's off-year political races is the same I always have with regard to elections: you can't win by staying home. A lot of people on the left get frustrated with the Democratic Party (I certainly do), but in our current political system, only two parties have a reasonable chance to win elections, particularly on a national scale. We have to work within the Democratic Party even as we organize outside of it; and we have to vote Dem (when such a vote is available) even if the candidate is not our preferred choice.

Threatening the neighborsThe alternative (i.e. sitting on your hands) results in what we have today: a national government run entirely by the most reactionary Republican Party in history - a political cabal that is doing enormous damage by undermining the work of vital agencies, appointing right wing judges, and more. This destructive work is moving at such an alarming pace that it is doubtful as to whether we can regain sufficient political power to stem the tide, let alone reverse it, before some of our most vital public institutions are blown to hell. That's why I am no fan of quixotic third-party detours. The downside risk is far too high, as we are now discovering.

I generally agree with Norman Solomon and his Democratic Party Autopsy report. And I think he might agree that the Democratic Party - like all national parties - is a broad coalition of factions that don't always (or even often) agree with one another on key issues. It was that way back in the 1960s. It was certainly that way in the age of the Democratic Leadership Conference. The only difference now is that there is a strong left faction that nearly won the presidential nomination process last year. THAT is new, and frankly, exciting. I think that should be a cause for optimism - the inside strategy is mostly a matter of persistence and focus. We have to populate the party with people who think like us, recognizing that we will need a broad coalition to start winning again on a national level. So this can't be a question of my way or the highway, on the left or the center. The corporate media likes to focus on factionalism. I think this is just the messy process of moving forward.

The left is the future of the Democratic party. It has nowhere else to go. We have to claim that future and continue to use the party as a means of advancing positions important to the well-being of the majority of Americans. Big project, but a necessary one ... and we'd best get started.

luv u,

jp

Friday, November 3, 2017

Why Christmas?

Okay, subject matter experts - let's get down to it. We've written about fascists on the rise. We've written about space diseases. What's left to write about? What? Christmas again? Oh, Jesus Christ on a re-gifted bike. Very well.

I'll tell you, you ask a question around this place and you come away with six more questions. At least that's an even number. That said, we're still making music over here in Big Green-land (and no, I don't mean big Greenland .... everyone makes that mistake), and well, Christmas is coming, so ... that means more Christmas themed songs, right? Donald Trump and Bill O'Reilly will be overjoyed to hear that there's music that uses the word "Christmas" occasionally, even if it is mostly for humor and ironic purposes. (Or porpoises. Like hipster porpoises who do shark-like shit just to be ironic. You've seen that, right?)

As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, we are planning a holiday podcast extravaganza, with newly recorded Big Green classics never before heard by the likes of you, as well as some brand new material. (I don't mean fabric, either - I mean music, music.) We're in production, or Come again?pre-production, or something like that. This will be the first group of songs we've recorded entirely on Cubase 9, with no help from our trusty old Roland 2480 deck, which served us so well for the last 16 years. So we'll just see how that goes, my friends.

Okay, so ... we started working on the Roland deck a year or two after the release of our first album, 2000 Years To Christmas, and I have to say, this group of songs we're doing are pretty closely related to the songs on that disc. Why Christmas? Because Jesus. Or because it starts with a C. I don't know - that's just what we hang the song on, much like a shirt cardboard. (We kind of used former Texas governor Rick Perry as a shirt cardboard for one of our albums, Cowboy Scat: Songs in the Key of Rick.) It makes it easier to develop a theme and ... oh, who cares?

We'll just keep making the songs, Christmas themed or not. You expect no less. And no more.

The color of power.

What a horrendous week for New Yorkers. Condolences to those affected by this ghastly Halloween attack. Don't wait for words of encouragement and sympathy from the big cheese - he's too busy attacking your senator on Twitter. Literally insult upon injury, but not surprising. It's also been a pretty rough week in Puerto Rico, still reeling from Hurricane Maria, and of course in Somalia, in the aftermath of that horrific bombing. I could go on, but what's the point - you know it. Sad thing is, none of these people will get any reasonable amount of moral or material support from the current administration. The reason couldn't be clearer: too many dark people, and no potential Trump voters.

How low can he go?Not that Somalia has been treated like anything other than a doormat in previous administrations. Trump, though, has singled out Somali refugees in America for criticism, sowing hatred and distrust among his legions. The refugees are black, like the family of La David Johnson, and like the Congresswoman that is a family friend of theirs, and like the football players taking a knee, and ... need I go on? Puerto Rico, well ... that place is full of dark people too, and so they're not going to get the kind of help that goes to Florida and east Texas. It just seems like whatever belligerent stand Trump takes, there are dark-skinned people on the other side of it.

I suppose I should consider it fortunate that crypto-racists have a tendency to reveal themselves gradually, however unintentional that process might be. Case in point is Trump's Chief of Staff, General Kelly, who launched into a gratuitous character assassination attempt on Florida Congresswoman Wilson (hint: she's African American) using a story that was easily dis-proven, as the event he was describing was captured on video. In remarks to the New York Times, Kelly praised Confederate General Robert E. Lee and opined that the Civil War was the result of a "lack of ability to compromise". I think Lawrence O"Donnell had it right when he suggested that Kelly - who grew up in the same area of Boston as O'Donnell did - is channeling a racist upbringing in what was a caldron of prejudice against black people, brown people, anyone other than the Scotty B's of the world.

Let us face it. In this culture, white, heterosexual people are normative; that is the default position. Anyone else needs qualification and justification. So when a crazy cracker shoots up 500 people in Las Vegas, we won't ask ourselves what the problem is with these rich, white Christians. But when a crazy ass Uzbek mows down a bunch of innocent people for no reason, all Muslims are expected to apologize. That's a power relationship at work.

luv u,

jp

Friday, October 27, 2017

All present and accounted for.

Okay, everybody - band meeting. Let's do roll call. Matt Perry? Present. Myself? Present. Marvin (my personal robot assistant)? Present, but lacking in agency. Mansized tuber? Absent. (He planted himself in the courtyard again, and frankly, it's just too cold today to have the meeting out there.)

Yeah, it's been a while since our last meeting. A few weeks, anyway. Like August 1987. We are a self-governing collective, but not a very well organized one, truth be told. When you live in an abandoned hammer mill (or an abandoned refrigerator, for that matter), there's little else to do besides wander around and try to keep yourself occupied between tours. We might go crazy for a spell and even (dare I say it?) rehearse a few numbers. Such madness has taken hold of us on more than one occasion.

I suppose you're wondering how it is that we manage to support ourselves. Well, I don't think I have to tell you that we are lousy salespeople ... perhaps the worst ever. In a capitalist society such as ours, you have to charge for your music, no matter by what means it may be delivered. Of course, the availability of the post-industrial hulk known as the Cheney Hammer Mill makes it possible for us to basically give away our music and still have a roof over our heads, albeit a leaky one.

Present.We have, in the past, posted our albums for purchase on digital distribution sites - the Orchard, CDBaby, etc. My feeling - and I should raise this at the meeting, already in progress - is that we should just post songs for free download and give people an opportunity to contribute towards the good of the Big Green cause through a Patreon site or something like that. It's basically a digital passing of the hat, which we've done as well (the Luddite version, in any case).

Our songs keep getting sillier. I think it may be something in the water. That's another topic we should raise if this meeting ever gets underway. How do we turn up the serious? Doesn't that have to happen before you're born? All these searing questions, and there's more where those came from. (Mind you, it's a little dark up there.)

Okay, well ... meeting adjourned until, I don't know, 2047. Make it a Sunday in October. I'll dial in.

A little late.

Well, we've heard from Arizona's senators. Sort of. Does this amount to anything? If so, I don't know what, but judging by the coverage afforded by the mainstream media, I must be missing something. I've heard Jeff Flake compared to every great orator this side of Cicero over the past few days, but honestly - what did he say? What is the substantive issue here? It sounds to me like tone, "integrity", adherence to accepted norms of behavior, and mental/emotional stability. Important, yes, when you're talking about the President of the United States - a man who can, on a whim, destroy the entire planet. It may be dawning on some of these GOP senators - at least the ones no longer eyeing re-election - that having a crackpot in that most powerful chair on Earth may not be such a good idea.

Where were you last year?Thing is, where the hell were they last year when they could have done something about it? I think you know the answer to that. Trump is not an anomaly - he is the product of 30 years of mounting extremism in the Republican Party. They may have tut-tutted him once or twice during the campaign, but it never rose to the level of obstruction. No, they were more than happy to elect a sociopath idiot narcissist to the imperial presidency, so long is it meant they would get their way on legislation, appointments, and executive policy. That's all they fucking care about, people. Their congressional leadership says so every day. So even if a handful of retiring senators complains that Trump's ill-treatment of Gold Star families is disgraceful, the party will still stand in full support of that signing hand. This isn't an ideological battle, because they - Trump and his party - all agree on 90% of their program. To the extent that people like Jeff Flake disagree with the president on policy, it's largely on the basis of his hostility towards so-called "free trade" agreements.

Take their tax policy (please). The GOP is framing this as another visit by Pappy Tax Cut. The fact is, they will likely raise taxes on working people and the poor, just as they often do. They did so during the Obama years at least twice - once when they refused to renew the "Making Work Pay" tax credit, and again when they scuttled the withholding tax reduction. Now they're talking about reducing tax exemptions on contributions to 401k plans. Set aside the fact that these retirement instruments are woefully underfunded in the first place and represent a free-market retreat from the notion of a liveable retirement plan, this is just a backdoor attempt at funding the massive cuts they're promising to their rich donors. Regardless of what Trump claims, he will sign it, then call it something it's not. That's what he always does.

If the good of the nation matters now, it certainly mattered last year when the GOP could have stopped Trump cold. They didn't, and so plainly, it doesn't.

luv u,

jp

Friday, October 20, 2017

Thirty (or thirty-one).

Is this one of those years with a "7" at the end? Right, I thought as much. I guess that's another decade in the can then, right? Fuck all - I am old.

Oh, hi. I was just having a little conversation with Marvin (my personal robot assistant). He keeps a lot of useless information in his memory banks, and among those bits and bobs are statistics about the history of Big Green, the music collective we formed some thirty years ago. Yes, I believe we adopted the moniker back in 1986, in a 2nd floor apartment in Ballston Spa, NY. That was the first incarnation of Big Green, which cracked apart in - yes - 1987, leaving it in the state it remains in today. (And no, I don't mean the state of New York.)

Some may think it's a bit of a problem that our band historian is a robot. That's not that unusual, actually. I hear that the historian for "Captured by Robots" is also a robot. And then there's Kraftwerk. All German bands have robot historians, from what I understand. (Though most bands choose not to read me in on the details.) Marvin can handle this task because he has what mad scientists call an "Electronic Brain". Mitch Macaphee, our mad science advisor, invented it himself. The sparking contacts and dusty transistors inside that whirring little box function not unlike the synapses of the brain. Marvin can think, captain. And if he thinks, it's only one small step from there to - dare I say it? - ruling ... the world. Mwa-ha-ha-ha ....

Okay, well THAT took a dark turn. Why do we have multiple start dates for Big Green history? Well, it's complicated. In point of fact, my personal opinion is that Big Green was born when Matt wrote and recorded the song "Sweet Treason" for a tape he sent me for my birthday in Spring of 1985. I think we've played versions of the song on our podcast. The original is a very scratchy recording that Matt did bouncing between two cassette tape decks and using a mixing bowl for a snare drum. The lyric, personalized for the occasion, goes like this:

Joe is "happy fitness" thanks to JFKEveryone into the pool
We're all fun at the club
All of us nasty loud
Our metal detectors are safe from ambush
Our stomachs elastic with eclairs
Master's beer

Joe owes much to gym class
Joe is "happy fitness" thanks to JFK
All of us join him, we're grateful, JFK
All of us upside-down
Fungus on our knees

This time, it's gonna be gonna be easy
Sweet treason
Strange inclination has us warm up separate TVs
Every box word echoes neatly
Then it explodes

Joe, the mayor's systematically
going through your mail
He's sifting, but not finding
He's searching for some west-end sandwich
 ten years good and stale

And on that day, Big Green was born. (Editor's note: the "mayor" in this song refers to a kid we knew out in the Albany area back when we were trying to make a previous incarnation of this band work. Which brings us back even further, to 1979 ... damn it!

The fallen.

Four special forces soldiers were killed in the African nation of Niger earlier this month, and the Trump administration doesn't want to talk about it. There's been no discussion of what our policy is in Niger or more broadly in that region of Africa, no information on the circumstances of the men's deaths, no nothing. It's a bit reminiscent of the Yemen raid that went bad just a couple of weeks into Trump's tenure, except that they HAD a story for that one and it turned out to be as bogus as a Linkletter million dollar bill.

Another thing the Niger incident echoes somewhat more dimly is the Benghazi attack back in 2012. You know, four dead Americans, questions about how much support they received from Washington, and so on. So I imagine Trey Gowdy will start holding hearings on this quite soon, right? (Trey? Are you out there, Trey?)

What they DON'T want to talk about.Okay, so, the thing MSNBC has latched onto is Trump's call to one of the relatives of the lost soldiers in Niger and his comments surrounding presidential condolence calls in general. This seems like a red herring. The fact is, Trump radiates a sense of not caring about anything that happens to military people. This just points to what I've contended for some time now; that Trump is all of our worst tendencies balled up into a big, fat, greasy wad of nothing. He doesn't care about lost soldiers in much the same way that most Americans don't care - at least, not enough to step away from their televisions or to put their forks down. Sad, as Trump would tweet, but true.

Do Americans wonder why our military is operating in places like Niger, Chad, etc.? My guess is that they don't, since both the government and the media are not taking a close look. One freelance journalist working in that region, Amanda Sperber, commented on Democracy Now! that she found it surprising that Americans weren't aware of our presence in Niger; that we have, among other things, a drone base in that country. Why? Because we the people don't make it our business to question these deployments. We don't have to pay (at least, for the time being) and we don't have to fight, so we essentially don't give a fuck.

We will become a civilized people the moment we start treating our service personnel as if they were members of our immediate family. When we get to that point, maybe Trump will adjust his behavior ... or, even better, be sent home.

luv u,

jp

Friday, October 13, 2017

Jump time.

Time to crank out another number? Right, then. One ... two ... one, two, three, fo... What? Wait for what? Oh, right. We need to pick a song. My bad.

Well, obviously we're a little out of practice. It's been a while since Big Green performed in these parts, and while we don't have any plans to set up at the local gin mill and run through the '93 set list (just like the old days, Steve), we could do with a little rehearsal time. A friend once told me that rehearsal is just a crutch for cats who can't blow. (No, he didn't wear sunglasses and a tam.) I like to think he had a point. It makes me feel better about doing nothing, and doing nothing is nothing if it isn't fun.

Not to say that we're dead idle - far from it. This week we're recording the next episode of Ned Trek. We're also working on the songs for our Christmas Extravaganza, rummaging through our big burlap sack of old Xmas songs that was the genesis of our first album, 2000 Years To Christmas, in 1999. Yessir, I remember back in '02, when the pump broke down and we had to haul water from the brook all the way uphill to our little log lean-to in Sri Lanka. Then there was the time that old Barney the mule lost a shoe in the middle of winter sowing. Hard times. Yep. (Yep.)

A bit spare.Thankfully, life is a lot simpler now. We have Marvin (my personal robot assistant) haul all of our water from the brook. Except now, unlike then, we have indoor plumbing (our lean-to was very old-school), so Marvin just dumps the water into the cistern and we tap it. Modern conveniences! When Marvin's batteries run a little low, we ask Anti-Lincoln to do it, and he always says no. We still ask, though. Everybody pulls his own weight around here. Everybody except the mansized tuber, who needs a little help. But what the hell - he's a freaking plant. Can't expect him to grow arms and legs and start jumping around anytime soon. (Or can we .... ?)

Well, I've wandered a bit. The bottom line is that we're dusting off a few of the Christmas songs Matt wrote decades ago - ones that didn't end up on 2000 Years To Christmas - and recording them properly for the first time ever (i.e. not on a borrowed 4-track cassette deck). Again, modern conveniences, utilized for our mutual benefit. It's a crazy little thing called civilization.

Wanting more.

It's hard to overstate how disturbing the news has become over the last couple of weeks. Gradually some elements of the Republican political establishment are beginning to acknowledge the obvious fact that Donald Trump is fundamentally unfit for the office of the Presidency. Astonishing. Why someone like Senator Corker wouldn't have realized this more than a year ago, when he had the opportunity to help prevent this disaster, defies belief. Like his colleagues, it obviously wasn't as important to him as having a Republican president - any Republican president - who would sign legislation and implement the extreme right policies his party has long advocated. They did everything in their power to put an unstable man in the most powerful office on earth and place the nation in jeopardy just to gain marginal political advantage.

Maybe THEY buy it.Now Corker and his colleagues can feign surprise when the bonobo they elected throws feces at them from his perch in the White House. And because the Tennessee Senator has announced his retirement, he can channel his colleagues' unease when Trump (a) demonstrates he knows nothing about America's nuclear strategy or the history of that strategy, (b) breezily demands we return to an arsenal of 32,000 warheads, and (c) makes a habit of cryptically threatening to start World War III on the Korean peninsula. The man is a terrorist, plain and simple - hinting that there's some kind of "storm" coming, teasing some violent response or initiative, then dropping a smirking "you'll see," like a petulant four-year-old. Fit for the presidency? The man isn't even qualified to be dog catcher.

I wish this were the kind of joke that so many people think it is (including many of Trump's core supporters, who revel in the discomfort of liberals and the like), but it's not. Trump is alluding to some kind of military action in the near future, probably regarding North Korea. Any action commenced by the United States stands the very real risk of provoking a counterattack on Seoul, South Korea - a city of 20 million people and no small number of Americans - plus the involvement of China and perhaps Russia (China's leaders have said that they would respond to an unprovoked attack on North Korea by the U.S.) That is the World War III scenario that Corker is alluding to. Even short of that, we could be looking at loss of life in the hundreds of thousands within a very short period of time - far beyond anything we've seen in decades. (Congo may be an exception, though that conflict took place over many years and in some respects is still ongoing.)

In my humble opinion, it's 25th Amendment time. Will anyone in the senior leadership of this administration put the country before his or her career? Remains to be seen.

luv u,

jp

Friday, October 6, 2017

Music minus fun.

There's that funny music again. And the really strange thing is, every time I hear it, there's someone at the front door. What's that? A door bell? Oh ... okay. Never mind.

Well, I thought I was on to something important there; maybe a new scientific principle born of some random observation, like noticing a minor irregularity in the orbit of Mercury. No such luck, my friends - looks like the Nobel Prize for Physics will be going to someone else this year ... again. (Don't know how many of these disappointments I can stand.) I understand that our mad science advisor, Mitch Macaphee, has been nominated for the Ignobel Prize in making things blow sky high. That's a tough one to win - it's a little hard to guess how high sky high is.

Lord only knows, we don't do what we do here at Big Green for the love of prizes and little metal statuettes. Neither do we do it for the money. (The simple fact is that there IS no money in what we do.) Nay, we just do it for the simple joy of music .... that omnipresent mellifluous force that lifts our spirits up on high. That unseen power that unites us with the choir invisible. That ... I don't know .... ear worm that drives you out of your skull for three days; thanks an effing bunch, Matt! YOU AND YOUR CATCHY TUNES!

Not MY master's voice.Honestly, if we relied on positive feedback, like all of our coaches and half of our therapists suggested, we would have left this "business" years ago. I've known enterprising individuals who consider push-back a strong indication that you're doing the right thing. That sounds good to me, but frankly ... we don't even get a lot of negative feedback. We're like the band in the bubble. We're music minus fun.

Hey, maybe we're on to something, right? Matt wrote a song years ago called "Motivation X" which celebrated the sentiment: use your motivation to restrain yourself. That's the revolution, right? Go easy on the world. Start a collective and make music because that's what you do, not because you want to rip the world a new asshole and burn through a lot of money, a lot of trees, a lot of water, a lot of gas, etc. Make your revolutionary act the act of not succeeding.

Wait .... there's that funny music again! Mailman, perhaps?

Arms control.

Let's have some fun with semantics, shall we? Start with the word "gun". What is a gun and when does it stop being a gun and become, say, a bazooka or a howitzer? Though I suppose you can say that a howitzer is a kind of gun - big guns, as in "Bring out the big guns!" How about a staple gun or a glue gun? So a "gun" just a device for expelling something, right? That's why it also serves as one of umpteen English euphemisms for penis, among other applications. Well, fortunately for you 2nd Amendment purists out there, this very confusing word "gun" does not appear anywhere in the text of your favorite founding document of the Republic. The Constitutional scholars over at the local NRA gathering simply assume the word "arms", which is used in the amendment, means every manner of gun from the .38 special to the Kalashnikov. Why they stop there I have no idea. Given the vague wording of the 2nd Amendment, our founders seem to leave the door open to an inalienable right to brandish a bazooka, or a howitzer, or a tactical nuclear missile for that matter. "Arms" is a far more general term than "gun", so obviously we draw the line somewhere.

Constitutional right to ALL of them?Based on the evident facts of the massacre in Las Vegas, it's way past time to move that line a bit south from where it's been over the past couple of decades. I know my gun enthusiast friends bristle at the thought of restricting "assault rifles", largely on the basis of the fact that the term is not sufficiently defined and, like all terms, highly subject to interpretation. Fair enough. But it seems to me we are in need of restrictions on the actual firepower represented by these weapons (particularly when modified, as the Las Vegas shooter's rifles were, to operate as automatic weapons) rather than the specific design. Nine rounds a second seems kind of excessive, for instance. Is there any earthly reason why someone using a gun for self-defense, hunting, or other varieties of personal amusement would need to shoot more than a round or two per second?

I know, I know ... I'm trying to spoil people's fun. There are something like 200,00 legally registered automatic weapons out there, millions more semi-automatics, and people just love, love, love to shoot them at target ranges, etc. Great. But weight your right to do something fun against the right of others to be protected against the massive trauma and death caused by such weapons on a regular basis. If you can have your normal old .30-30 hunting rifle, your handgun, your shotgun, and your Bowie knife, but NOT the modified assault rifle, has your right to keep and bear arms been violated? You still have guns, right? Just not every kind of gun you want to have.

I guess our little semantics game should end on "rights." Are "rights" about what we should be able to do or are they about being able to do every little thing our heart desires ... like owning that modified AR-15? I guess it's up to us to answer that question.

luv u,

jp

Friday, September 29, 2017

Light work.

Okay, ready? On three ... one, two, THREE! Arrrgh. I meant, on the count of three LIFT the freaking thing, not wave your hands in the air. What the hell's the matter with you? It's like you just don't care.

Yeah, I guess you could say we're having a little moving party here at the abandoned Cheney Hammer Mill, Big Green's adopted home for the last two decades. (I think we technically have squatter's rights, but what law is there in a place such as this?) No, we're not vacating the premises - far from it. I just wanted to move my piano from one room to another. No particular reason. Maybe that's why I can't get any cooperation out of this crew. I KNEW I should have done one of those leadership retreats! Curses.

Sure, there are useful things we could all be doing, but who's got the time for that? I mean, I've been putting off restringing our borrowed electric guitar for about two weeks now. That sucker isn't going to string itself, right? Things just keep getting in the way. Like Marvin (my personal assistant) - he got in the way yesterday when he was vacuuming the hall. To get to the guitar, I would have had to maneuvered around him. And well ... I just don't feel like stringing the guitar, Put your back into it!that's the point. You see? When all else fails, the truth will out!

While we're not moving things around at random, we are actually working on a music project. As I mentioned last week, it's kind of similar to our first album in that we're reworking some of the songs Matt wrote as low-rent Christmas gifts in the 1980s and 90s. The biggest difference is that we're recording it for the podcast ... and we're twenty years older than we were for 2000 Years To Christmas. So this may sound more crotchety ... or not. But hey ... it's free, right? To us, you're all kids, and on Sundays, kids eat free. In fact, in my book, kids always eat free. That's how we roll.

So, let's put the piano the fuck over there, and let's get recording, damn it. Christmas is almost here, right?

War and remembrance.

I mentioned last week that I have some problems with the Ken Burns series on the Vietnam War. That was on the basis of just the first episode, so to be fair, my comments were a bit preliminary. I have not seen much of it since - just the odd half-hour here and there. (Frankly, it's hard for me to come up with 18 hours of viewing time over the course of a week or two.) That said, the episodes I've seen since the first installment have done nothing to change my estimation of the overall project. It's important to get many and varied perspectives from American veterans; I'm all for that. But the Vietnamese perspective that I've seen thus far has been very limited and two-dimensional. Further, the narrative seldom departs from the neo-imperial framing that has always defined mainstream retrospectives on this brutal war.

Vietnam war seriesWe're told, for instance, that in 1969 Hanoi would not consider an agreement that would leave the Saigon government in place. Actually, it wasn't just Hanoi; it was a large percentage of the people under the dictatorial governance of South Vietnam - at least those who had not already been brutalized, burned to a cinder or chopped to pieces by that late date. One important point that's getting lost in this series is the fact that the vast majority of ordinance dropped by the U.S. in Vietnam was dropped on South Vietnam, not North Vietnam. This is reflective of that imperial framing - South Vietnam was "ours" to rampage over, so look elsewhere. Also, perhaps I'm missing too much, but virtually all of the atrocities I've heard described in this series have been on the anti-Saigon side. (I hope this is just a reporting error on my part.) And the picture they paint of Le Duan is practically that of a ruthless super villain, "Dr. No" figure.

No such depictions on the American side - just a lot of well-meaning actors gone awry. And seemingly very little reliance on official documentation from the period. I'm hearing a lot of recorded phone calls and office conversations, but not even contemporaneously available material like excerpts from the Pentagon Papers, let alone subsequent declassified documentation. The authors seem unaware of or uninterested in American planners' thinking on why the war was being fought in the first place; the danger of a good example of independent development, outside of the U.S.-run system; the desire to provide a recovering Japan with markets, raw materials, and labor and (post-1949) to prevent them from accommodating to communist-led China.

I will watch more, of course, but I am not sanguine about this effort. We are currently in the midst of a 16-year conflict in Afghanistan. It would help to understand the last pointless, seemingly endless conflict a lot more clearly than this series allows.

luv u,

jp

Friday, September 22, 2017

Summer's end.

Here comes the sun ... and there it goes, right over the back of the mill. Must be autumn. This place is like freaking Stonehenge - you can set your watch to the movement of the shadows.

Well, the season passing doesn't mean much around here. I'll be honest: we of Big Green never went in for summer activities in a big way, so the warm months are just about keeping out of the sun and wearing open newspapers on your head like a tent. Unless you're Matt, of course, who wears a hat and spends half of his life out amongst the wild critters, rain or shine, snow or hail, you name it. The rest of us? We all busy ourselves with indoor activities, like bending pretzels and juggling priceless objets d'art. (That last one we don't do a real lot. Like, well ... never.)

It's hard to keep track of what our entourage is doing in any given season. Some are more active than others. Anti-Lincoln, for instance, had and idea for a discount retail business. He was going to plant it right next door to Dollar General and call the store Quarter Colonel. His business plan was to undercut the competition - everything in Dollar General is a buck; everything in Quarter Colonel would be a quarter. The cash registers were ringing in his Four score and seven blue light specials agohead like the bells of St. Mary. I know Lincoln had a reputation, perhaps apocryphal, of being a humble, frugal man of simple tastes, so true to form, his anti-matter self is the exact opposite. He's going to OWN north central Little Falls, NY .... OWN IT!

Marvin (my personal robot assistant) has been busy these waning weeks of summer. He's mostly been checking his way through my to-do list. Hey ... don't look at me like that. What would YOU do if YOU had a personal robot assistant? At least I'm not sending him out to some local small business to earn money for my ass. Though he was working for a time at a five and dime. (His boss was Mr. Magee). I don't think I have to tell you how that turned out.

So, bring on the fall, people. We've got a pack of songs ready to record. Let's track this mother! Ya-ho, ta-ho.

Week that was (again).

Man, this week has been a clusterfuck. Not sure exactly where to begin, but I guess the best option is just to dive right in.

The Zombie Rises. Repeal and replace is back again this week, this time advanced by GOP senators Graham and Cassidy, and it's the predictable formula. They basically want to block grant the program, including the Medicaid portion of it, which is the Republican's favorite target just lately. According to a study cited by the Washington Post, 34 states would lose funding, and the states with Medicaid expansion and relatively generous benefits would be the biggest losers. It will also throw millions off of their coverage - no surprise there. The only thing that can stop this now is, well ... us. Call, march, occupy, whatever you can manage. Delay this vote until after 9/30 and it will be dead for a while longer, at least, and that's the best we can manage under the circumstances (i.e. good enough).

Active crime sceneHurricane Maria. What a horrible storm, and the fact that it took such a cruel path through an already distressed group of islands is heartbreaking. Puerto Rico, already flattened by international finance, has lost power entirely, perhaps for weeks or even months. Their grid is 44 years old, due to such a constricted colonial financial situation. Where is the outrage for the ill-treatment of these working Americans, Trump supporters? Crickets.

Mexico Quake. There's a sickening regularity to this recent crop of disasters; a hurricane coinciding with an earthquake in Mexico. Again, suffering piled on top of suffering among a populace singled out by our president as the source of all of our woes. And as is so often the case, the lack of public investment in communities makes the disaster more serious than it needs to be. Such an outrage.

Hello, World! Speaking of the source of all of our woes, Donald Trump made his "debut" at the United Nations General Assembly, and duly threatened North Korea with total destruction. Withered talking heads like Joe Scarborough and David Ignatius found some encouraging themes in this poorly-wrought mad man's tirade, but that's just residual affection for the American empire. Trump waved the bloody shirt and threatened the world from that podium, and the threat was lost on no one. No doubt about it: Cheney's back in charge.

Vietnam Revisited. I could write a whole column about Ken Burn's latest effort to retell history, but suffice it to say that he appears not to have strayed much from the mainstream "bungling efforts to do good" narrative. Another lost opportunity to clarify this loathsome episode.

luv u,

jp

Friday, September 15, 2017

Old stock.

I think it's over there, in that cardboard box. No, no - not that one! The one under that one. Or the one under that. I don't know, just start opening boxes - I'll tell you when to stop.

Oh, yes, that's right ... I have a fourth wall. Hello, then. What are we doing? Thanks for asking. We are digging through the Big Green archives again. And when I say "archives", I'm talking about something that's really much more rudimentary than that term suggests. Call it a series of boxes, some of which have the Kellogg rooster emblazoned on their side. Then there's those round Quaker Oats boxes .... I used to make pretend ham radios out of those.

What we're searching for is, well, some ideas for this year's Christmas pageant extravaganza. Amazingly, there's a lot of holiday material that hasn't been released or even heard for the last ten years. Matt did, what, ten years of Christmas tapes, between 1986 and 1995, with one added on after that for good luck. We've got an enormous backlog of 4-track cassette recordings from that period, essentially demos, which we can harvest and repurpose like, I don't know, sorting through a junk yard for something useful. Don't ask me for metaphors this early in the morning!

So whatcha got, Lincoln?Now, I don't want to leave you with the false impression that we are constantly recycling music from days of old. Not a bit of it! In fact, the songs on our last THIS IS BIG GREEN - Ned Trek extravaganza are all brand spanking new (and probably in need of that spanking). Not that we haven't reached into the old grab back in past episodes. Usually around the holidays we start rummaging around for something that will fill a hole in the production. I'm thinking maybe we should just patch in some video of a local 2nd grade school orchestra playing Jingle Bells. Now THAT'S entertainment, people. (Literally every one of those cute little critters playing the same note, all together.)

Okay, so ... yes, we'll be working on a Christmas show. Because that's how we roll here at Big Green. Next podcast will be another non-musical Ned Trek, then who knows ... an actual album? Yikes!

After the flood.

With an environmental disaster underway in Houston and massive destruction in the Florida Keys, the Virgin Islands, and elsewhere around the Caribbean, it's fair to say that the 2017 hurricane season is off to an inauspicious start. We are completely unprepared for these climate change-fueled super storms, largely because we find ourselves unable to grapple with the fact that global warming is actually happening. Yes, I know - no storm can be directly attributed to climate change, but it does enhance the strength and volatility of the storms to a significant degree, and the effects are very much as predicted by climate scientists.

It's getting worse, folks.There are people in this country - coastal urban mayors and the like - who have to face facts on this issue, but pretty much everyone else is free to ignore the obvious: that we are now living in a far more dangerous and unstable environment, and it's only going to get worse. The longer we play this denial game and pretend it doesn't exist, the more profound the long term costs will be. Unfortunately, this is a difficult issue to get traction on in a country like the United States. You find yourself arguing for a major change in people's day-to-day lives, tremendous investments, and more, for positive effects that likely won't become evident for another generation or more. It's a crisis that breeds fatalism, and that plays right into the hands of the petrochemical-driven profit machine that's been stoking climate change for decades.

I think the only way we can succeed in convincing enough of our fellow Americans that radical change is needed is by decoupling the notion of a sustainable society from economic austerity. We have demonstrated this as a society - recall the period just prior to the financial crisis of 2008 (well, before the election of 2008, too). There was what seemed like a broad and growing consensus that we needed to do something about energy use, investing in renewables, greater efficiency, etc. The crash just washed that all away in a chorus of "drill, baby, drill!" When you have 750,000 people a month being tossed out of work, people will grasp at anything, and Obama did little to articulate a coherent vision of a more sustainable economy.

So here we are, being battered by ever larger and more menacing storms, and yet building more pipelines as far as the eye can see. We need to move the conversation back to where it was ten years ago (and further, really). That's the straw.

luv u,

jp

Friday, September 8, 2017

Inside September.

You sent it up the chute already? Okay, then ... well ... I WAS going to put the good stuff into it first, but I guess it's been long enough that people will settle for whatever they get. Oh, well ... maybe next month.

Yes, you heard right - we've uploaded the September 2017 installment of THIS IS BIG GREEN, and this seems like a really good time to talk about what's inside that honking little MP3 file. Here goes:

Ned Trek 33: The Nimrod Seven. Incredibly, the thirty-third episode of our Star Trek parody, Ned Trek. This one's based on the classic Star Trek first season episode entitled The Galileo 7, in which Spock, McCoy, Scotty, and some toss-aways get their shuttlecraft stranded on a hostile ape-infested planet. Well, replace those three regulars with Perle, Coburn, and Sulu, change the shuttlecraft's name to "The Nimrod 7", then throw in Seb Gorka, Peter Lorre, the Nixon android, and a Mr. Stephanie or six and you've got a poorly-wrought morality play worthy of The Immortal or even fourth-season Big Valley. Oh, yes.

The Nimrod Seven contains no less than eight new Big Green songs:

Song: If You're Listening To This - A somewhat country-fried Willard song that's a musical and conceptual adaptation of the "final orders" video Captain Kirk left for McCoy and Spock in The Tholian Web. "You'll have to use your creed and your opportunities; but temper them with profits from false securities." You get the drift.

Song: Commander I'm Dead - A Stephanie Q (or R?) song about the uses of a dead soldier to any canny leader of men. The only lyric I can think of that makes use of the hick-French term "Mercy Buckets". Non-sequitur backing vocals by The Twenties Guys.

Song: Doctor In The House - A bit of musical braggadoccio from self-reputed alpha male and Nazi progeny Seb Gorka, recently departed from the Trump clusterfuck. Prepare yourself for choruses of "beta cuck". Tell your wife: here comes Sebastian!

Song: Wait For You - A Doc Coburn song with a real 60s anthem rock vibe. I find myself humming this one a bit as I wait for us to invade all those other places in the travelog.

All settled in?Song: Nimrod - Perle song lamenting his frustrations as commander of the Nimrod 7, the misunderstandings ... it's like everybody speaks a different language! Heavy is the head ... and kind of heavy the song.

Song: Neocon Captain - Sulu's number. Another anthem-like tune that likens the insufferable Perle to Captain Bligh (who ended up governor of New South Wales, by the way.) This is probably my favorite of the tranche (as Sulu songs often are), but you be the judge.

Song: Yo-Ho - A song from Mr. Welsh, with the usual Celtic overtones and undertones. The Yo-ho, Toe-ho chorus is probably borrowed from the Viking episode of Lost In Space, but don't quote me.

Song: Nixon is Saving Us All - This Nixon song closes out the set; the android's internal power source is used to fuel the crippled shuttlecraft and, as the title suggests, save us all! Favorite line: "Until we loose the surly bonds and touch God's face; maybe drop some bombs."

Put the Phone Down. Matt and I banter aimlessly (and occasionally break into song) about what we did over the summer, Seb Gorka, mechanical Nazi men, psycho Batman, and quite a bit more. Give it a listen, anyway.

Brinksmanship redux.

It's a little hard to sort out what to write about this week. The catastrophic hurricane that hit Texas or the one that's bearing down on Florida? North Korea? DACA? What the hell ... welcome to the Trump era, when everybody drinks from a firehose. What a non-stop freaking joy this administration is. I will leave to more able correspondents (like David Sirota) the telling of how Trump and the congressional Republicans have worked overtime over the last few months to make east Texas more vulnerable to this kind of disaster. As unprecedentedly powerful storms line up to cause havoc around the Caribbean and up the coast, no doubt the climate change deniers will continue to strip away what little protection people have from flooding, the release of pollutants, and bankruptcy (particularly in a place like Puerto Rico).

Highly predictable.Then there's North Korea. Perhaps the most remarkable piece of this crisis is the total lack of voices in favor of doing the right thing. From the various talking heads (mostly foreign policy establishment people, retired generals, current generals, and conservative think tankers), I keep hearing that there are military options, however limited, and that it's either strike or learn to live with a nuclear-capable North Korea. Of course, we have had that for a while. We have lived with a nuclear-capable Russia and China for a long time. I also hasten to add that the world has lived with a nuclear-capable United States for even longer. My feeling is simply that if they can live with us, we can live with them ... just as we have for about a decade.

Here are a few things that you won't hear on the talk shows: 1) This is not the cold war. It is not an ideological battle, for chrissake. No one is interested in emulating North Korea, and they aren't trying to export their model of governance to anyone else. 2) We don't have to demonstrate that we are stronger than them. They know this in their bones since we destroyed their society in the 1950s. Our strength is the central reason why they're doing this. 3) This situation is not China's fault, nor is it their responsibility. North Korea's dispute is with us, not China ... or even South Korea. They and the Russians have encouraged us to take reasonable steps to disarm this time bomb: hold off on military exercises, build confidence, etc.

An NPR correspondent this week asked if diplomatic approaches would make us look "weak". This is the mentality that leads to war. North Korea is not Germany in the 1940s. Appeasement doesn't apply here. That only works when you're weak and they're strong.

luv u,

jp

Friday, September 1, 2017

Missing pieces.

This tape recorder has that Leroy Brown kind of problem. You know ... it looks like a jigsaw puzzle with a couple of pieces gone. Guess it must have been messin' with the wife of a jealous dehumidifier.

All right, well, it's no secret that Big Green has a technology problem or two, even with an in-house mad science advisor like Mitch Macaphee. Our machines are aging, our circuits are frayed, our relays are frosted, and the electric bill's unpaid. (That was an accidental rhyme, by the way.) Most of our recording devices have at least one tooth missing. I've got an Evil Twin direct box that needs surgery. Our VS2480 deck has finally been retired for a system that's maybe six years newer (i.e. only nine years old).

Hey ... if you're a real band, that shouldn't matter, right? Got a second-hand guitar and a panama hat? Start busking. Got a broken-down upright piano that's barely upright? Grab a tin cup and start pounding those dusty keys. That's the musician's work ethic. Not super popular around here, I must say. We make music without much of a thought to monetizing it. God no - that's Anti-Lincoln's job. We just put our heads down in the studio. Old antimatter Abe sits in the den and moves the numbers around. Occasionally they add up to something edible.

I think I see what the problem is...Speaking of missing pieces, our podcast, THIS IS BIG GREEN, is massively overdue. The reason/excuse? Well ... we produced eight songs, mixed seven, and thought we were freaking done. Matt was plugging the show together and, well ... there was this gaping hole where a Nixon song should go. So it's back to the mixing board with us, and the June episode is now turning into the September episode. But people ... think of it. Eight new songs, written on the fly and recorded from scratch ... on a new (to us) recording system, no less! Add to that some chasing around after falcons and the usual summer distractions, and you've got an abysmally late podcast. But, hopefully, it will be one for the books. (Eight new songs, people.)

I think that brings our Ned Trek catalog up to about 70 tracks. Christ on a bike. There's got to be an album in there somewhere, right?

Sanctuary found.

Just heard that Texas's asinine SB4 anti immigrant bill has been blocked by a federal judge a day before implementation. Now perhaps more undocumented people in Houston will make their way to safety in the midst of this catastrophic storm. It's conceivable that more than a few people's lives will have been saved by this decision, though it remains to be seen what will happen on appeal. Texas's useless governor is determined to push this point with the full support of the Trump Justice Department, furiously waving the bloody shirt of immigrant crime, murder, rape, etc., to make their bigoted followers happy.

Why trust is important.Of course, as police chiefs all over Texas and, really, across the nation know, the effect of this broad policy will be the precise opposite of what Trump, Sessions, and Abbott claim. It doesn't take a criminologist to understand how this works. The police don't have omniscience; they rely on people who see something to say something, as the slogan goes. Without the cooperation of people in the community, they can't effectively do their jobs. Undocumented aliens are not going to step forward if they believe that police will detain them because of their immigration status. The Texas Governor can assure them all he wants that if they haven't committed a crime they have nothing to fear - that obviously counts for nothing. The police would be severely constrained by this law. If they don't report undocumented individuals to ICE, they can be fined and even prosecuted. So what the hell is Abbott talking about?

The broader policy is the core problem here. We have a president and an attorney general dead set on targeting undocumented aliens. They have lit a fire under ICE, turning them into Trump's promised deportation force, which he mentioned during the campaign. What that has meant thus far - and what immigration attorneys are saying - is that in order to get their numbers up, ICE agents are grabbing the easiest people to get. It's not MS13 that has to worry; it's the young people they prey on, because they are the low-hanging fruit. This is particularly the case if (and I mean when) Trump cancels DACA. And again, if young, school-age people and their parents are afraid to talk to the police, how are the police going to protect them from gang members? Not going to happen.

So the result of this sickening policy will be Trump's vision: a higher percentage of the remaining undocumented will be lawbreakers. A self fulfilling prophecy.

luv u,

j

Friday, August 25, 2017

Rubbish in.

Anybody seen my tuning fork? No, damn it, THAT'S not it. That's my tuning spoon. I said fork, you moron. This .... place!

Oh, yeah ... hi out there. I'm just attempting to replace a string on a second hand guitar that's been lying around the abandoned Cheney Hammer Mill since before we started squatting inside this big old drafty barn of a place. In as much as Big Green is a collectivist institution by nature, we make use of what resources avail themselves, utilizing only what we need to accomplish a mutually agreed-upon task, then replacing the surplus in such a way as to benefit all. Yes, we're all equal here. Except, of course, anti-Lincoln. Fuck that guy!

Why am I restringing an old, abandoned guitar? Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm doing it with used strings. We're scraping the bottom of the stewpot here, folks - I won't make any bones about it. (Typically, what you find at the bottom of the pot is not so much bones as sinew and fat, but I'll leave that right there.) That's what you have to do when you're Big Green, you know. We thrive on privation. We bask in the glow of our obscurity. When gravity says come down here, we go up there. When we look in the mirror, we know that we're the opposite of Dude, what did you DO to this thing?what we see looking back at us.

What does all this mean? Well, I'm gonna' tell ya'. We still haven't finished our podcast, that's what. The machinery is moving pretty slowly these days, folks. Matt's got his hands full with his various nature-focused responsibilities, tracking peregrine falcons, tending the beavers, and writing up stats for The Kingbird. And me, well ... I saw a bunny in the yard. And there was some other junk. And I listened to a video clip on my phone. Uh ... I got nothing. Rubbish in, rubbish out, right?

Sure, I know, it's been four months since our last show; it's in the works, and we're mixing the songs right now. One .... more .. hurdle. Keep your eyes open and your mouths agape. Expect a delivery ... soonish.

Sixteen and counting.

His tremendous majesty Trump the First made several speeches this week, generating the usual range of comments, lamentations, amens, and apologies. I will set aside my observations on how he handled all of this presidential business for the moment and focus instead on the most consequential remarks; namely the speech he delivered on the Afghanistan war, now in its sixteenth year.

My short take is that there isn't a lot new here. We knew that Trump had loosened the rules of engagement a bit, resulting in a greater number of civilian casualties than was typical under Obama. In Monday's address, Trump said that troop levels would be determined based on conditions, not deadlines - again, nothing new. Both Obama and Bush followed this standard in Afghanistan and Iraq at one point or another; that's why we were still in both countries when Trump started his presidency. He had some kind of stern words for Pakistan; same as his predecessors. (Obama as much as promised cross-border raids into Pakistan as a candidate in 2008, which he later undertook as president.)

Zero skin in the Afghan game.Probably the most dangerous element in this speech was Trump's comments on India. Bush made some effort to balance his administration's outsized relationship with Pakistan by working with India. The current president suggested greater Indian involvement in resolving the Afghan conflict, which would absolutely drive Pakistan's leaders mad. Their principal adversary active on two fronts? Not a good outcome from their point of view, and that would make another devastating conflict between India and Pakistan even more likely.

Not to bury the lead, but what the speech boils down to is that Trump is going to increase troop levels somewhat, pretty much along the lines of what Obama was doing, and he's not going to tell us about it. (News reports have the number at around 4,000 to start.) For those of you who were thinking Trump might actually end this stupid war, think again. There is just no political percentage in doing so. The burden of this war falls entirely on the tiny minority of Americans whose family members actually do the fighting and dying. There are no tax levies to support its costs. So our government has found the formula for perpetual war: remove the populace entirely from any experience of it. Trump will not upset that apple cart - not when to do so would make him look "weak".

This Afghan war will never end until we demand it. After sixteen years, it's way past time to make that demand.

luv u,

jp

Friday, August 18, 2017

Make it spin.

Where's the summer podcast? I don't freaking know. Must have left it in my other pants. What am I, Kreskin? Maybe. I hear HE has more than one pair of pants.

You see, here's the problem with living in the abandoned Cheney Hammer Mill. (And I should add here, it's not the ONLY problem.) It's goddamn hard to stay on a schedule. You can set up your little wall calendar or get one of those day planners at the stationery store. (Personally, I prefer stores that move around, like food trucks. Mmmmmm .... food trucks ....) Or you can vault bravely forward into the 21st Century and set your schedule on some phone app. Well, we've got none of that here. Nothing like it. Anti-Lincoln puts a mark on the wall every morning, but frankly, after a decade of that, it just looks like patterned wallpaper.

I guess what I'm saying is that we haven't posted a new THIS IS BIG GREEN podcast in four months because, well, we lost count of the days. And days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and what the hell - here we are. That's very nearly the truth, but like everything around here, it's more complicated than that. The current episode of Ned Trek is a musical, so we're in production - STILL - on I think seven songs. (Like I said, I lost count.) A couple of them have been mixed. I'm still working on rhythm tracks for the rest. We're testing out a new system, and that's been a bit of a process. Our tops won't spin. Hey ... just GET OFF MY BACK!

Really made your mark, didn't you?That wasn't for you. There was a carpenter ant on my back. I've never been able to understand why they are named for something that is almost the precise antithesis of what they do for a living - namely, eat your house alive. (Carpenters, last I looked, build you house alive.) It's another example of what we call the "Pelican Cove Principle" - naming things for either (1) something completely inappropriate to the thing named, or (2) something you destroyed to build the thing. For example: Pelican Cove was a tony bedroom community that had no pelicans and no cove, so it complied with principle (1). Then there's Applewood Drive back in my hometown - a road built through an ancient stand of heirloom apple trees which were, of course, ripped out to make room for McMansions. You get the idea.

Well, there you go - I wasted another morning, didn't I? That's why we're so far behind. Back to the basement with me.

Brown shirt redux.

The thing about Trump is that he never knows when to shut the hell up. The events of the past ten days put this into stark relief. His post-Charlottesville comments are driven as much by his insistence on being right as by anything else. That said, the man knows how to court his core constituencies - namely, by abandoning any semblance of the traditional presidential role of being the nation's consoler-in-chief and weighing in on the side of white sheets and brown shirts. Classy. I guess that roughly comports with Bannon's avowed strategy of calling out Democrats on race issues, though he claims now to want to crush the "clowns" in the white nationalist movement. (I suspect he's attempting to blow smoke here.)

The Trump armyThere is little doubt in my mind that Trump is a deep-dish racist fuck. His personal history alone is enough to convince any reasonable person, from his early days as a landlord to his vocal advancement of birtherism to his targeting of immigrants, Muslims, you name it. After the attacks in Barcelona, his first impulse was to tweet a reprise of his celebratory comments about General Pershing's participation in America's early 20th Century colonial pogrom in the Philippines - the story about killing 49 Muslim resistors with bullets dipped in pig's blood. What is more bigoted than that? His blood libel against Muslims in New Jersey re the days following 9/11? Perhaps.

Trump's next stop is Phoenix, AZ, where on Tuesday he will hold one of his regional Klan rallies, full of the kinds of crackpots that marched through the streets of Charlottesville with citronella torches and various tattoos. Too soon, you say? Not a bit of it. This tactic reminds me of what the NRA used to do (and may still do) in the wake of a mass shooting; namely, hold a massive pro-gun rally in or near the affected community. You can bet that Trump will have an incendiary tale to tell of how the Antifa counter-protesters were, in essence, outside agitators, at least as culpable as the neo-Nazis he tepidly disavows. I would still say the apple didn't fall very far from the Klansman Fred Trump tree.

Is anyone surprised by all this? Well ... if so, they haven't been paying attention. Expect more, folks, and worse ... much worse.

luv u,

jp

Friday, August 11, 2017

Post not.

Ask not what Big Green has been doing for you this week. Ask what you can do for Big Green. And yes, I am cribbing from John F. Kennedy - that's how we roll around here. It's all JFK, all the time.

Interestingly, president Kennedy did have a role in Big Green's history, albeit a minor one. Back in the day when we were fighting the cat for the scraps that she had just wrestled away from some mice, we would record in our childhood bedrooms, our mother's living room, some spare room - wherever we could fit a cassette machine and some battered instruments. (Those instruments!) Matt and I would bang around the way we still do now, hammer together a song, then release it on cassette. And when I say "release", I mean something like tossing it out into the middle of the road and hoping someone chances upon it. (You know - essentially like posting it on the Internet ... without the Internet part.)

Hey, Abe ... Does this song remind you of the war?Well, many of those cassette collections were made up of Christmas songs - not carols, but songs Matt wrote on the theme of Christmas. (He typically recorded these collections himself to retain the element of surprise.) The one Matt put together in 1989 was entitled "PT 109" and the sleeve featured a slightly modified version of the heroic cartoon-like cover of Kennedy's war memoir by the same name. The song PT 109 was actually a country number ripping on George H.W. Bush, who had just become president and who had a heroic WWII story about how he had rescued a future president of the United States - himself - from a plane crash in the Pacific. The lyric was written in the posthumous voice of one of Bush's crewmates, lamenting that he hadn't served under another commander:

Had I served on PT 109  
I would have had the good fortune to be
on patrol with lieutenant JFK
and I might just have survived to this day
'Cause sometimes not only the hero survives to tell the tale

Anyway, that's Kennedy's contribution to Big Green. Not unique, of course - our songs feature many presidents, including the current one. Occasionally they show up in the titles as well. Fun fact: one of our cassette collections was entitled "Songs that remind Lincoln of the war". Extra points if you can guess which president was on the cover of that sucker.

Unfit.

The president this week took a break from his 3-week vacation to issue an existential threat against a sovereign nation. If the intention was to intimidate the target country, well, it didn't work so well - the DPRK responded with a thinly veiled threat to launch missiles at Guam, home to 160,000 people and two major U.S. airbases. That prompted another nuclear threat from Trump. Then he threatened to invade Venezuela. This may turn out to be the longest summer vacation in history.

In some respects, this feels very familiar. The Defense Intelligence Agency leaking an intel assessment about North Korea being able to miniaturize nuclear weapons to a warhead-ready size - that sounds like the Iraq war run-up to me. Clearly someone likes the idea of another catastrophic conflict on the Korean peninsula. The cheap, sloppy trash-talking, though, is different. The only close to comparable incidents I can think of from other presidencies is, perhaps, W. Bush calling Kim Jong Il a "pygmy". No, this was full-throated nuclear sabre-rattling of a type that only pathetic posers like Seb Gorka could admire.

In charge of nuclear weapons.So now we're in a nuclear pissing-match, by conscious choice of the president. That is unacceptable, though quite predictable. During the campaign last year he lamented that the nuclear arsenal was a kind of white elephant and wondered about its utility is we never used it. People voted that guy into office, and now - six months in - he's threatening people with fire and fury. Trump is what many had surmised before: a man unfit for service in any capacity, let alone the Presidency of the United States. But an unfit man cannot be president - it is far too potentially destructive a job to be held by someone with severe mental problems.

Based on his comments this week, it's clear that Trump must be removed from office. The constitution provides for this outside of the impeachment process - it requires the Vice President and a majority of the heads of federal agencies to certify that the president is unfit. I know some of my progressive friends are growning at the thought of a Pence presidency - so am I - but the problem with Trump supersedes any political considerations. They need to invoke the 25th Amendment and save the country and possibly the world. I'd sooner spend the next three years fighting the Pence Administration than stand with my arms folded as millions more Asians are kicked into a mass grave by this murderous dunce in the White House.

Let's face it: Trump won the presidency by virtue of our constitution. We need to encourage others to utilize that same constitution to protect the nation and remove President Trump from office.

luv u,

jp

Friday, August 4, 2017

Loopy mofo.

You can't really expand it, Mitch. If you did, it would be too damn big for the tube. Then there's the drag coefficient ... you know, that thing you were telling me about yesterday, what the fuck .... WHY CAN'T WE JUST WORK ON MUSIC?

Sheesh. Back again, here at the Cheney Hammer Mill, with our mad science advisor Mitch Macaphee working on yet another crackpot scheme to make us all RICH while carrying us place to place more efficiently and, I don't know, churning out mounds and mounds of cole slaw. Last week it was the Bigelow Expandable Activity Module - that patented modular space station component that Mitch was obsessing over. Now he's focused like a particle beam on Hyperloop technology, the brain child of entrepreneur/inventor Elon Musk, a man Mitch loathes, envies, and idolizes all at the same time. (He's got mood issues, frankly.)

What is Hyperloop? Well ... the best I can describe it is as follows. If you're of a certain age (and I most certainly am) you may remember a time when the local multi-story department store (in Utica, it was the Boston store) had an advanced method for getting money and paperwork from one part of the store to another. They had these funky vacuum tubes running everywhere; the clerk would take your five dollar bill, put it into a little capsule, stick it into the tube and it would go 'round and 'round until it reached accounting or wherever, then come back filled with change. It's kind of like that thing in the bank drive-through, except more primitive. Got it? Well, take that thing, make it bigger, and put people in it instead of money, and you've got Hyperloop.

Just like the Boston Store change thingy.Mitch's brainstorm of the week, aside from self-marinating beets (still in development, so don't get excited), involves Hyperloop conveyances and our hole to the center of the Earth. I think he's all excited about this because we just spent weeks trying to figure out how to fashion an air-tight elevator or tram car that would suffice for navigating through the mantle and down to the chewy nougat core. Now he's discovered that Hyperloop has done all that work for him! All he has to do is pirate it, stick it in the hole, and down we go at 700 miles per hour!

I don't know about you, but I'm excited, though not half as much as Marvin (my personal robot assistant), who will likely be the test pilot. Oh yes, Marvin ... I'm looking at you, man.

Another one.

I'm not going to spend a lot of column space on the foibles of the Trump White House, entertaining as they may be. You've heard it all, right? Everything about Scaramucci, Priebus, and whoever the fuck. Hey, we elected a clown-car cartoon character president - we should expect this. What's really much more disturbing is what they've been up to behind the screen of all this palace intrigue. Some of it is fairly clear, like the disingenuous attack on the Affordable Care Act and Medicaid (i.e. Trump's repeated promises that the new bill would be better, that everyone would be covered, and that premiums and co-payments would be low). Some is not so obvious, and the devil in this administration is truly in those details.

Mr. WonderfulTake the Sessions Justice Department (please). Reporting this week has indicated that they are redirecting the Civil Rights Division to look into cases of reverse discrimination in college admissions. They are denying it up and down, but it would in no way be out of character for Beauregard and his new Civil Rights Division chief, John Gore, who was part of a law firm defending North Carolina's recent "bathroom bill" anti-LGBTQ legislation as well as working for increased ballot access restrictions. I think it's obvious that any agency or division in the Executive branch not currently headed by someone who opposes its core mission is on borrowed time.

Foreign affairs is a mess, of course. Trump has expressed interest in the mineral wealth of Afghanistan, raising the specter of an even further resource-fueled extension of our pointless war in that unfortunate country. Meanwhile, Iran and North Korea are both on notice again, the Trump team trying its best to ratchet up the tension in the powder keg that is the Korean peninsula while setting the United States on a course to war with Tehran. Just what we need: too more pointless, avoidable wars. (Trump felt it necessary to do the typical fake bombing runs over Korea as well as test one of our massive arsenal of ICBMs.) It should come as a surprise to no one that a foreign policy left mostly to the generals will tilt toward warfare.

Okay, I haven't covered much, but there will be plenty of time to go into all that is left (I hope). As horrendous as all this sounds, it's really just been another week of the Trump administration .... which actually sounds even more horrendous, particularly with 3-1/2 years to go. Fuck me - this is awful.

luv u,
jp

Friday, July 28, 2017

Bigelow 4-9-0.

No, you can't have it. I'm not going to say it again. NO. Keep it up and you're going to bed without your sawdust ration. I said NO, damn it! Oh, god .... all right.

Well, there you have it, friends of Big Green. That's how mad scientists get what they want - nag, nag, freaking nag. Mitch Macaphee can keep at it for longer than any four year old. Next thing you know I'll be taking him to Water Safari. Such a child! And I ask you, what's worse than a child with the power to reverse gravity? Nothing I can think of.

What was Mitch asking for? Glad you asked. I blame NPR, frankly. They did one of their glib as fuck little morning stories about something called the Bigelow Expandable Activity Module (or BEAM), a kind of collapsible space station section that can be puffed out like a popcorn kernel when they have some use for it in orbit. Handy little thing, really, and Mitch can see linking two or three of them together and mounting some ion drive propulsion units on one side or the other. It's complicated, of course, but it all comes down to the simple fact that he wants one, he wants one, HE WANTS ONE!

I said NO, damnit!Actually, in point of fact, he wants two or three. And well, they're expensive, for chrissake. Mitch has no sense of cost. I can't even talk him into buying some generic knock off BEAM from China; no, he wants the brand name version. It's essentially a quality argument ... I get it. But what the hell, man - you're an inventor. Why don't you invent some freaking money for once?

I guess Mitch is picturing a kind of wagon train to the stars. He's probably given up on our plan to do another subterranean tour, or wagon train to the Earth's core, if you will. Again, typical ADD scientist: first he's all excited about the hole he burned through the mantle, then a few days later he doesn't even want to look at the thing. Of course, he may have a point about the BEAM. Our last few interstellar tours have been, well ... less than stellar, particularly with regard to the accommodations. Finally, someone came up with a space trailer with some leg room. Maybe we DO have to have one.

Okay, okay ... I give up, Mitch. Let's see if it's listed on Amazon yet. (My guess is that it's not available in stores.)