Hammer Mill Days

Well, great day in the morning... I was wondering where I left that freaking thing. Who might have thought it would turn up in the rock garden? What's next, eh? (Well, the next thing you know, old Jed's a millionaire...) I don't have to tell you - when you start packing your bags for an extended trip beyond the bounds of our solar system, that is when things start turning up... things you haven't seen for months, maybe years. Just yesterday I found a pair of sneakers I'd misplaced during last year's election. The day before that, Matt stumbled across the remains of his first kazoo (the one he'd used to record the theme from our never-completed sci-fi epic, "Destination: Space"). John has been turning up all sorts of remnants of past lives, such as an ancient banjo labeled simply "The Gibson". And I'd rather not get into what Mitch Macaphee has been dragging out of the depths of his makeshift studio in the old forge room of the Cheney ...

While most of the media focuses on health reform efforts in Washington, there's a lot going on in the area of global empire maintenance, now the responsibility of Mssr. Barack H. Obama, Esq. There are, of course, the ongoing wars of choice in Iraq and Afghanistan, with much of the attention focused on the U.S. soldier captured by an Afghan Taliban group. I did hear other news of the Afghan conflict this week - the Physicians for Human Rights call for a formal investigation into the 2002 Dasht-e-Leili massacre perpetrated by Afghan warlord (and soon to be military chief) General Dostum. This killing of hundreds - probably more than a thousand - Afghan prisoners of war was reported on shortly after it took place. The Bush defense department actively squelched any inquiry, even though FBI agents sent to Guantanamo had collected testimony from survivors of the massacre and felt an investigation into a possible U.S. role may have been warranted. Technically, as the occupying power, we...

Sorry, Mitch. The batteries aren't charged yet. No, sir... still got a few more hours to go. Hey, where'd you find those used fuel tanks? Clever man. Very clever. Oh, hi folks. Just doing a few last-minute tasks before launch. Did I say "launch?" I meant lunch . How careless of me... and me, a man of words! No, launch won't be for a few days yet. We're moving the components into place, though - no doubt about it. It's like a big, fat, dysfunctional chess board with pieces whittled from plastic explosives. A little on the touchy side, let's say. That's what we get for working with a mad scientist, especially one as mercurial as Mitch Macaphee. No matter... we'll get off the ground, possibly before the Space Shuttle does. (Oh, that launched, finally? Well.... I guess maybe not.) There are other races to be won, however. We may well be the first band on the sun. Hmmm... good idea for a song. Maybe the chorus would go something like this: Band on t...

I confess I haven't been watching the confirmation hearings of judge Sotomayor for a seat on the U.S. Supreme Court, nor listening to them. It's been a lot easier to avoid doing so than it was ducking the coverage of Michael Jackson's death and its aftermath, quite frankly. Apparently our news outlets don't consider this "newsy" enough. In any case, what I've heard and seen have been snippets of interrogations by Jeff Sessions (R-Alabama... I think the "R" stands for "Racist") and Lindsey Graham (R-South Carolina, a.k.a. "McCain's brain"), also a bit from Dr. Coburn (R-Oklahoma). Certainly on that side of the partisan divide, the Judiciary committee comes off as a kind of cracker-town. And because the Democrats are, on the whole, utterly spineless and all-too-willing to fold on matters of principle, it is very often the core "values" of these southern conservative senators that end up carrying the most weight. Su...

Well, I'll be a positive particle in a negative universe. Is that really what deutronium costs these days? Outrageous ! Don't these mothers know there's a recession going on down here? Hi, friends. Just caught me going over the list of necessities for our upcoming interstellar tour de force. Here's an item destined to cause trepidation. Radioactive deutronium fuel - $5,600.00 per pint bottle. Jesus H. Christmas. I guess prices on Aldebaran have been anything but stable over the past year. (The Aldebarans were heavy investors in Bear Stearns, rumor has it.) Not sure why they need to earn it back off of our asses, but there you have it. Anyway, it's on the list because, as you may have surmised, Big Green has indeed secured transport for our tour. I'm glad to be the one to tell you that it will not be one of those Korean missiles. No sir, this is a proper space vehicle. Or so we're told. Fact is, we took Matt's advice and called the guy in Jersey about t...

How have you been feeling lately? Good, I hope... because if you've been ill, you're probably discovering how massively expensive it is to get treatment, even if you have health insurance. In America, it really takes a major illness to know whether or not you have what could be termed adequate coverage (and if you're one of the 47 million who have no insurance at all, the question doesn't even arise). But the utter failure of this system shows up in the little details as well. Not to bore you with my personal foibles, but for the last five or so years I've had dental insurance... which means, in my case, if I have any substantial work done - crowns, for instance - I can expect to pay $1,000 out of pocket instead of $1,600 (assuming it happens no more than once a year). Don't know about you, but that grand is a little hard to put my hands on, so I tend to throw it on the old credit card and whittle it down month by month. That, in miniature, is one illustration o...

Well, anyway... why do we have to do the same thing every time? I mean, I know safety is important, but frankly we can't afford a spaceship at this point. Can't we just hitchhike to Neptune? Good god, man. Whatever happened to the spirit of adventure? We never used to be so risk averse. We used to bear to the left and take chances. Now look at us. (You can use a smoked glass lens, if you prefer.) We're worried about lack of gravity, lack of oxygen, exposure to radiation - what a bunch of wimps! The only one who's really not intimidated by any of this is the mansized tuber. (At least he hasn't said anything about it to me.) Fact is, we have to do these tours on the cheap, what with a recession on and all that. Money's tight, and our corporate label is even tighter. They don't even want to budget for us , let alone a ship to carry us in. Looks like we'll be relying on comped meals again. Ever try to get a free lunch on Uranus? Hah. Take it from me - it...