Don't let it be.

Why not? Because I said so, damn it. Will you just listen to me once? No, Marvin, no. We're far to ... uh ... well-done for that. Too crispy. If "The Colonel" saw us, he'd try to put us in a bucket with some nice pre-fab buttermilk biscuits. Mmmmm boy.

Oh, hello. Funny that you always seem to show up when we're having a little disagreement over here. Nothing serious, you understand - just a difference of opinion. Between me and a robot. Not just any robot, of course - I mean Marvin (my personal robot assistant). I should keep him off Facebook, frankly. That's where he saw that article that's been driving him frantic ever since. It was probably planted on Facebook by the IRA - the Internet Robotics Agency - as a black ops effort against gullible automatons.

What's the story about? Glad you asked. It was a piece about how filmmaker Peter Jackson is going to make a documentary out of hours of archived film footage of the Beatles originally gathered for the movie Let It Be. That got Marvin thinking ... maybe WE could do something like that. First, find a director (preferably a famous, gullible one), then send him all of our home movies from the past thirty or thirty-five years. Make it forty. After that, they could shoot interviews of all of us while we talk about the content on the footage and make pithy comments while the Director checks his phone. Doesn't that sound like a good idea?

Make a movie out of THAT?Of course it bloody doesn't! What, point hi-def video cameras at our superannuated faces? Nothing doing. And as far as the archival footage goes, what we have is so rough and so primitive I doubt anyone would be able to interpret the hazy dark shapes on the screen in a way that would suggest real human activity. What director is going to take a bunch of VHS tapes and make a documentary? The idea is ludicrous, and yet Marvin is married to it, much like that time he married that stamp vending machine over at the corner drug store. The only thing that worked about that marriage was when it came to putting postage on the wedding invitations. In that respect, it was a match made in heaven.

So, short story, we're not doing it ... no matter what the black ops people say.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Rubbish in.

Image
Anybody seen my tuning fork? No, damn it, THAT'S not it. That's my tuning spoon. I said fork , you moron. This .... place ! Oh, yeah ... hi out there. I'm just attempting to replace a string on a second hand guitar that's been lying around the abandoned Cheney Hammer Mill since before we started squatting inside this big old drafty barn of a place. In as much as Big Green is a collectivist institution by nature, we make use of what resources avail themselves, utilizing only what we need to accomplish a mutually agreed-upon task, then replacing the surplus in such a way as to benefit all. Yes, we're all equal here. Except, of course, anti-Lincoln. Fuck that guy! Why am I restringing an old, abandoned guitar? Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm doing it with used strings. We're scraping the bottom of the stewpot here, folks - I won't make any bones about it. (Typically, what you find at the bottom of the pot is not so much bones as sinew and fat...
Read more

Inside April.

Image
What's that rattling you hear? Could be the sound of Tomahawk missiles. Or maybe it's just a loose screen in the upstairs window. Those may be the same exact thing, in effect. But there is a third possibility, and that is the April THIS IS BIG GREEN podcast. We've got another boatload of sound for you this month - here's a brief look inside the ship's hold (just to overextend that little metaphor) ... NED TREK 32: All Our Festeryears. A take-off on the "All Our Yesteryears" episode in the original Star Trek series (I believe their second or third to the last episode ever), Willard, Ned, Pearle, and Sulu pay a visit to a strangely deserted world, the entire population of which has retreated into old B movies on VHS tapes. The caretaker of the library (or Blockbuster Video) and his various doppelgangers are played by Ronald Reagan. Ned and Sulu have to deal with cheap-ass cinematic cowboys, whereas Willard and Pearle face-off against cave men. Kind of ...
Read more

Running out of Greek letters (and patience)

Image
News of the new Omicron COVID variant is settling in, and people are understandably wary and disgusted. Every time it seems like this thing is ending, this thing is not ending, and there are few things more frustrating than that. Life prior to the pandemic seems like this strange, distant, exotic state of being that can never be entirely restored. Of course, we really don’t know very much about Omicron. The networks are doing their best to pre-emptively scare the living shit out of everyone. I try to tune out all but the most authoritative voices; nevertheless, it eventually catches up with all of us in one way or another. The great, untried solution Now, we know how to get out of this. In case you haven’t heard, this is what needs to happen: rich people need to defeat their hunger for more riches. And if that doesn’t happen, we need to do the work for them. In other words, we need to separate Big Pharma from their excess profits and aggressively distribute the...
Read more