Back in the bag.

Where the hell is Marvin (my personal robot assistant)? Tubey? What the hell... is everyone out for a freaking curry? Right, right... I'll just open the mail bag, then. High time too - a few more pounds and it will collapse into a black hole, and that would be the end of everything.


Okay, okay - I exaggerate. No need to worry. Got a couple of missives to open here. Let's start with something that bears domestic franking....



Dear Big Green,


Hate to seem like a prick, but where the hell is that album you've been yakking about these past five years?


- Furlin McGreevey, Basinstock, Idaho



Hi, Furlin. Thanks for writing. And no worries - you're not a prick. (If you were, you'd work for our record label.) Fact is, I sympathize with you totally. I've gotten so sick of waiting for Big Green to release their next album, I've thought about resigning as head of their fan club. (Didn't have the heart to do it, damn it.) Fact is, we're running out of excuses... so it looks like we're ready to release that sucker after all.


Here's another letter, from Amanda B. Freakowitz of Toronto...



Dear Big Green ,


Whaaaa-aaat??


Best,


Amanda



You heard right, Amanda.... that's exactly what I said. Our long-awaited sophomore (or sophomoric) album is ready for release, bar the packaging, replicating, frisbee-tossing, etc. Tentatively titled "International House," it contains 16 tracks of new material from yours truly and will soon be available at a pawn shop... I mean, record store near you. (And perhaps more than one pawn shop as well. It's time I got my shoes back. These corns are killing me.)


Here's one more letter, this from sMyrzGlorp FhZhyzllnyk of the Crab Nebula...



gyRmanTiall, Big Green....


Tuaoo dlAT,k lsdjTlbmok b-Yulandros itsat Megaphone delplehzrnyk funBanoldmental rzaphhhhuyllll.


vootie,


sMyrzGlorp



Thanks, sMyrzGlorp. Sure, the mp3s will be available online. Probably all the same places 2000 Years To Christmas can be found, but I'll definitely keep you posted. Sounds like a bad cold you've got there. Better get some rest. And tell uTlksjnorbiar I said vootie.


Okay - got to run. I can hear the boys returning from the curry palace, the aroma of mutter paneer wafting up the staircase. Save a little for me, tubey - there's a good chap.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

R.I.P., uber rich lady atop killer empire

Image
When the queen of England died last week, I felt bad for the 96-year-old human being that she was, a lady about the age of my late mother. I take no joy in the death of anyone, even people I’m not crazy about, so all due condolences to her family who, I hear, are planning a quiet little funeral. Did I say little? I meant large … in fact, six billion pounds worth of funeral. Such is the institution of the British monarchy – still crazy after all these years. No, I’m not a fan of “The Royals”. I watched The Crown on Netflix or whatever, and it was mildly entertaining in a slightly nuanced gossipy kind of way. (They went way too easy on Thatcher and made Robert Kennedy look like a cheap wing man for his wife-beating brother the President.) But generally I avoid T.V. dramas about royalty mostly because it bores the living piss out of me. Then there’s that small matter of imperialism , but let’s try to keep our thoughts positive, eh, what? They’re changing the guard at T
Read more

Pulling the plug is never as easy as it looks

Image
I don’t know. I’m effing sick of this. Are you effing sick of this, too? You are ? Wow … okay. For how many years? Damn …. why didn’t you say so? I was just doing this to keep YOU happy! Well, you learn something new every day. Or at least every week. Except last week – I was kind of too busy to learn anything. It gets like that sometimes. Anyway, let’s just agree to say that you learn something new every little once in a while. Maybe every time Sylvie brings you some water. Like in the Leadbelly Song . But I digress. What the this is The “this” we’re kvetching about is this thing called blogging. We’ve been doing it for twenty years, and somehow – seemingly unnoticed by us – the world has kind of moved on. Now everything is social media, social media, etc. A few still blog, outside of the corporate shills, but it’s not really a thing anymore, and well … that’s a shame. Still, blogging has its place. I just don’t know whether or not its place is here, exactly.
Read more

Stop hiding your light under that bushel.

Image
Well, Trump started channeling QAnon in a big way this week at an Ohio rally. I’m assuming anyone who reads this blog knows what QAnon is. It’s basically the blood libel, updated for the modern age. Some idiot posted some random shit on 4chan (which happens basically every second) claiming that s/he is a secret intelligence operative and was spilling tea on upcoming FBI raids on Trump’s political enemies. It was supposed to happen in 48 hours and, of course, it didn’t. That failure, however, didn’t stop the true believers. These people must be total knuckleheads. Who would earnestly believe this crap? Of course, people have a tendency to believe whatever places them in a positive light. Whatever the case may be, QAnon has a lot of followers , and they are apparently laser-focused on the conspiracy theory. Trump is their greasy, corpulent pope. It makes total sense that he would pull those people close – they are the scrum who never left him. What they think they’re
Read more