Hammer Mill Days

Okay, so what if it doesn't come back? What happens to your little experiment then, Einstein? What the ... PUT THE STICK DOWN! Oh, hi. Yes, things get a little contentious at times around the abandoned Cheney Hammer Mill. I was just having a conversation with our mad science advisor, Mitch Macaphee, who is doing some tests on a new propulsion system he's developing. Suffice to say it's the kind of propulsion system we would need to carry us to the far-flung interstellar venues that have been added to our upcoming tour in recent days. We haven't secured transport yet, owing to our lack of resources, so Mitch has taken it upon himself to custom design a deep-space conveyance that will meet our needs ... and then some. Trouble is, he is ... well .... a crazy-ass mofo, and because of that simple fact, he can't just use existing technology to build his spacecraft. Oh, no ... he has to innovate an entirely new form of propulsion. Don't ask me the particulars - it ...

I don't know if it was at the start of this week or at the end of last week, but at some point recently I wondered aloud what became of the Trump administration's coup plan in Venezuela. It seemed to have fizzled rather badly, despite their best efforts ... but then this week it sprang back to life like Frankenstein's monster. Washington's hand-picked maximum leader of that unfortunate country, Juan Guaido, appeared in a cell-phone video surrounded by what appears to be a handful of soldiers, declaring himself president once again. This is, of course, not a coup, we're told, because officials of the United States government have decided that Guaido is the legitimate president of Venezuela. Nothing screams freedom more than leaders selected by the regional hegemon. Naturally, our execrable National Security Advisor John Bolton and our equally fragrant Secretary of State Michael Pompeo are behaving as if whatever they say randomly just has to be true. Pompeo cla...