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Friday, January 29, 2016

Yo mama.

Okay, so what are we inventing this week? Ten gallon sippy cups? Anti gravity yo-yos? It's worth asking.

I hate to be the one always checking up on our mad science advisor, Mitch Macaphee. For one thing, the hazmat suit doesn't fit me very well. And I can't speak very clearly through that portable blast shield, particularly with the welder's mask on. Suffice to say that you enter his lab at your own risk, so we only do it when absolutely necessary. Very often I will send Marvin (my personal robot assistant) in with a note clutched in one of his claws.

Not that Marvin is expendable, you understand. It's just that he has wheels and can roll backwards. If I sent Anti-Lincoln or the mansized tuber in there, they could end up on melba toast with a caper in their eye. (That's the caper.)

Fact is, the only reason I'm venturing into Mitch's wing of the abandoned Cheney Hammer Mill, our now-permanent squat house, is that the neighbors have been complaining. You know what I'm hearing about, right? Loud noises in the nights. Mad cackling. Subtle but noticeable shifts in gravitation. Midnight sunshine and black skies at noon. All those little things that tend to put the retired plumber next door in a bad humor. We don't want to hear from the authorities, of course. We might get the Ammon Bundy treatment, after all. That is ... they will ignore us until we pull guns on them more than twice or three times. (Since we're white, we would probably get the Bundy mulligan, so to speak.)

You know what to do, Marvin.Mitch has been in poor humor since they found his coveted dark planet beyond the orbit of Neptune. He had been clinging to the vain hope that it would remain the undiscovered country for another generation, at least ... plenty of time to convert it into a black hole or neutron star. In any case, now he's drowning his sorrows in experimental work, and it's got all of us on edge. Hard to work on music when the laws of physics are collapsing all around you. Last Monday morning, for instance, he temporarily suspended the third dimension within the immediate boundaries of our hammer mill. It was like being a ColorForms character for the day - very distressing!

Okay, well ... I'm going in there. If you don't hear from me soon, send Marvin in.

Next, the voters.

Getting a late start on this. I had to turn the TV off - MSNBC was showing the ass-clown Trump again. Beats the hell out of me why they feel compelled to give the man so much free airtime, but there you go. In any case, Iowa votes, in a manner of speaking, next week and Trump may walk away with his first big victory ... or not. Can't say that I care which of those strange political objects receive the enthusiastic endorsement of some of corn country's biggest bigots. It's basically the same general deal with any one of the Republicans. They like to pretend not - that there are moderates and more serious candidates as well as the extremists and the very silly alternatives - but that's a lot of gas. They're all a major threat to peace and prosperity; just listen to them.

Cold war throwbackWho's the moderate in that race? Christie? Don't say Christie. He's vehemently anti choice, wants to provoke war with Russia, and has all the racial sensitivity of Nixon during his drunk period (to say nothing of being a shill for the Peterson Institute, which advocates for privatizing Social Security). Forget Jeb Bush. He's easily as bad as his brother on the issues, only with less raw political talent. Rubio? He's the bold "young" candidate who seems to have his head stuck in decades-old Cold War strategy like a bug in amber. Frankly, any one of these candidates would be an unmitigated disaster as president.

How about the other side? I'm a bit agnostic with regard to that, as well. Of course I support Bernie Sanders - he's certainly the closest the Democratic Party has ever come to someone I can agree with. But a Bernie presidency would only work if it came in ahead of a vociferous mass movement for positive, progressive change. That takes work, way beyond just getting out to vote. I'll vote for Bernie and encourage others to do the same, but unless we march into Washington on his inauguration day with him on our shoulders, it's not going to amount to much more than a mild braking action on the downward spiral of American capitalism. Which, come to think of it, is Hilary Clinton's platform in a nutshell. Saving capitalism from itself, as she puts it. All well and good, but who the hell is going to save us from capitalism?

I'll tell you who: Nobody but us.

luv u,

jp