Hammer Mill Days

How much does the moon weigh? I don't have an answer to that, for chrissake. What am I, a freaking scientist or something? Go ask Mitch Macaphee. What? He told you to ask me ? Mother of pearl... Oh, hi. Was wondering when you would drop by. Not the best time, as I'm sure you've surmised. We're working on our proposal to the Gingrich campaign to be their official liaison to the Moon people and their special counsel on all matters Moonly. This is an ambitious move for Big Green - certainly as bold as our attempt to glom onto the W. Bush campaign and presidency way back in 2000 (the distant future... the year 2000...). That started with something as humble as sharing an interstellar tour bus with the man himself, but resulted in our brief but fruitful installation into the corridors of power. (We still have some of the fruit from that little sojourn, though it's a tad ripe now.) Right, so anyway ... back then it was clear that Bush would be the nominee. This time, it...

It's official: if you get pulled over for an out-of-date inspection or soft tires ... or perhaps nothing at all, you can be strip searched. Thank you, Anthony Kennedy. Thank you, George W. Bush. Why George W. Bush? Because he appointed a right-wing chief justice when Rehnquist had to step down in 2005. In truth, I should blame voters in the 2004 election for reelecting a right-wing imbecile to the presidency - one who would be there to appoint Scalia clones as needed. The Roberts appointment was particularly crucial in that Supreme Court Justices - who are imagined to be somehow magically apolitical - always seem to delay their retirement until the presidency is held by someone who shares their ideological world-view. Because of failing health, Rehnquist would have retired in 2005 no matter who won the 2004 election. Ergo, that election was our last opportunity to shift the balance of the court back from right-wing extremism, and we basically blew it. That's as it may be. But t...