Hammer Mill Days

I forget what I'm doing here. Do I live in this dump? What is the purpose of my presence here? WHO IS GOD, ANYWAY?? Oh, sorry, you all. (What, am I southern now?) I was just having one of my difficult moments. That's a new pastime here at the abandoned Cheney Hammer Mill. We each get all dramatic and difficult at least half a dozen times a day, preferably taking turns at it so that the ambient noise doesn't upset the mongooses trying to sleep on the roof when the sun is hottest around midday. (Are you getting all this down?) Why would we take on such an endeavor? Well, as you know (and this is perhaps the reason why you love us), we are not tremendously successful as a band. No heap big contract. No honking piles of ready cash. No adoring fans dogging our every step. And times being what they are, we thought, well.... if we act like assholes, these things will come our way. Well... we've been doing for a few weeks now, and so far... big fat nothing. Not a sausage. Mayb...

Okay... this really WILL be short takes, because I have zero time to think about this. Tea Party Rallies. "We want our country back?" Seriously? When did you lose it, exactly? You who appear to be richer, whiter, and more well educated than the rest of us. Last I looked you were doing pretty well. You've got a timid Democratic president, a cowardly Democratic congress, and a conservative judiciary. So how does this differ from four years ago when you ran everything ? As recently as two years ago, you had a split Senate, the presidency, and a narrow minority in the House. No one has raised your taxes. No one wants your guns. Obama's going to drill baby drill. W.t.f., come back when you've got something to complain about. Palintology. Speaking of tea parties, Sarah Palin strikes me like some annoying neighbor up the street who has a voice like a grammar school bugle (as well as an upcoming show on Animal Planet that I encourage you to join Defenders of Wildlife in...