Hammer Mill Days

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's people who arbitrarily find something to complain about. Especially when it involves pointless grousing about other people. I HATE PEOPLE LIKE THAT. Right, you guessed it. I was being ironic just then. Some people do that for a living. Me? I'm ironic in my spare time. Actually, it's not merely a matter of personal whim. We've just taken on a marketing consultant recommended by our somewhat lackluster label, Loathsome Prick Records. I would tell you her name, but she told me her name must never be spoken. In any case, she - I will call her "Noname" ... which rhymes with Edamame in my tiny mind - is going to help us "position" Big Green in the international indie music marketplace. That's something our label tells us we need to do, like, RIGHT NOW. Okay, so... part of that new positioning is that we should start being more ironic. I know what you're going to say, and I am appalled... APPALLED th...

The republican presidential candidates are in Florida now, throwing punches at one another, making threats, and shifting course on immigration issues so fast it might give GOP voters whiplash. Former Speaker of the House and Pillsbury Doughboy Newt Gingrich appears determined to hold on to his tenuous lead, traveling from one end of the state to the other to toss around wild promises. In Miami, it's regime change for Cuba (hard to see how that could go wrong); on the "Space" coast, it's permanent bases on the moon by the end of a second Gingrich term. (What he probably means is that, by the end of his second term, the surface of the earth will resemble that of the moon, so the base issue will take care of itself.) It takes an ego the size of Gingrich's - grandiose I believe is the proper term - to present arguments for re-election when one's first primary campaign has barely gotten off the ground. Gingrich's grandiosity is wasted on these polite debates,...