Friday, May 8, 2015

Dang me.

Here we are. Another late Spring arrives in the middle of freaking nowhere. Birds are singing, grass is growing, the underemployed ice cream vendor is driving a superannuated truck up your street, playing "Pop goes the weasel" (or 4 bars of it). Life is good.

I don't know if you've ever lived in an abandoned Hammer Mill in upstate New York over the course of the coldest winter anybody can remember. I mean, damn! We were frozen solid, stuck in the ice for five whole months. The bill collectors had to come after us with ice picks. Visitors from Neptune had to go home half way through their stay - THAT'S how cold it was. (How cold was it? Well ... )

So hey ... when a little warm weather comes this way, it's a big deal. Everyone is starting to get into their temperate habits. The mansized tuber has been arranging flower pots. Before you ask, no ... he does not have a green thumb. They are both "suburban titanium". He just plays with clay pots - stacks 'em, shuffles 'em, smashes 'em sometimes. Then there's Marvin (my personal assistant) and his croquet set. You wouldn't think he had the agility, but then he exclusively plays against people from the 1910s.

Marvin, croquetI saw anti-Lincoln crawling out of the local public house. At least he's got a hobby. Fact of the matter is, I admire anti-Lincoln for having the ambition to get off of his doppelganger ass and venture out into the night. I and my fellow core Big Green members (or member) haven't been near a nightclub in, well, years, particularly when you're talking about terrestrial venues. No, it's not because we are impossible to work with, or that we draw the wrong kind of crowd. That's all true, of course, but the main reason we don't show up in the local clubs is ... well .. lack of ambition, motivation, you name it.

So, dang me. We all observe the arrival of summer in our own ways, some lamer than others.

Podcast Plug. Hey, want to hear Matt and me talk about Al Jolson? Or perhaps our most ludicrous episode of Ned Trek (our Star Trek parody) yet? Give our latest installment of THIS IS BIG GREEN, our podcast. Then tell me about it @BigGreenJoe.

News dump.

Well, it's just been one of those weeks. For some reason, MSNBC has been choosing to spend enormous amounts of airtime on some football scandal (talk about a news dump!), but that notwithstanding, we at Big Green insist on full coverage.

Hey, governor ... Costello's supposed to be the funny one.Mess with Texas. I imagine you've heard by now that the great state of Texas is under threat of invasion and the imposition of marshal law by a socialist-slave U.S. military. You've heard, that is, if you spend most of your free time on paranoid right-wing nut-job web sites. This fantasy, rooted in the kind of conspiratorial blather that has animated the right since Obama's election and before (remember Ruby Ridge?), is all the more bizarre because it is taking hold in a state that prides itself as being the home of many, many U.S. military personnel. All that flag-waving, and still Governor Greg Abbott feels it necessary to task his national guard with observing the upcoming special forces exercises. Freakish. Amazingly, these people think climate change is some elaborate conspiracy theory.

Favorite headline on this: Even Rick Perry thinks Greg Abbott is a dumbass (Dallas Voice).

Hebdo in Garland. A couple of pissed-off Muslims attempted to attack a Prophet Mohammed cartoon contest in Garland Texas, put on by a notorious anti-Muslim freakazoid. Next thing you know, you've got another free speech debate on your hands. Why is it that when people say you're stupid for doing something stupid, you are accused of attacking their speech rights? I guess because it's an easy defense. I don't see those people lining up to defend journalists killed by Israeli Defense Forces bombs in Gaza last summer. So, as always, opinions on free speech in America are almost always driven by who is doing the speaking and what they are saying. If you do your best to provoke people who are marginalized and under constant pressure and suspicion, you will be defended to the ends of the earth for your rights. If you call out the powerful, don't expect the same courtesy.

It's a lot like the International Criminal Court. I'll start having some faith in it when they haul Dick Cheney's sorry ass up to the dock. Until them, don't even talk about it.