Next stop, whatever.

Don't see it? Well look again. That flaring star. That's the sun... our sun. The sun the earth orbits. Its temperature is so high it can turn this ship's hull to butter... and we're heading straight for it!

Yikes... didn't know anyone was listening, there. Just rehearsing my lines for the upcoming Lost In Space favorite episodes playoff. Haven't heard of it? Not surprised. Oh... did you think I was talking about our own interstellar travels just then? Heh heh heh.... No, no. Not a bit of it. The flaring star we're headed straight towards is not the Earth's sun. It's another star, far hotter than our own... a blue dwarf, as it were. And it won't reduce our hull to butter. Oh, no... just vaporize it entirely, along with everything inside. So there's a difference between television melodrama and the real thing, my friends, and don't you forget it. Hollywood is the land of butter hulls. In real life, the term of art is "vaporization". Write it down, underline it. Now, what was I going to say? Ah, yes. ARRRRGGGHHHHHHHH!!!

Okay, I've caught my breath. Here's the thing. Our pilot, Urich Von Braun, was able to get us off the mysterious Planet Neuton all right. Trouble is, he's obsession prone. Recall that his obsessive behavior is what put us on that clownish little globe in the first place. (Still can't get that freaking ceremonial hat off my head. I've put a call in to our agent to complain.) So... he spotted what looked like a little blue marble in the firmament... a deadly blue marble, as it turns out. Hot as blue blazes. Before we could say "Urich, Nooooooooooooooo....!" he pointed that nosecone towards the blue dot and stepped on the "gas". And hence... trouble.

Not that everyone on board is all that worked up about the imminent prospect of being seared to a crisp. (Or vaporized to a wisp.) Take Marvin (my personal robot assistant) ... please. Marvin's gotten more spam from that financial planner guy named "Remington Tagget". He really thinks this guy is his personal investment counselor! I've tried to explain to Marvin that you really need to have investments if you're going to retain one of those, but he doesn't hear my words. Not a syllable. This Tagget guy keeps giving him reinforcement, though. He sent him a holiday message on Friday:

Hi Marvin,

Best wishes for a happy holiday & successful New Year from the entire team here at Direct Capital!

Please click here to view a special mes-sage for On Time Van Trans In.

Warm Wishes,

Remington Tagget

I'll tell you, man. That wireless router has got some serious range. (Or should I say, Sirius range.) Anyway, here comes the sun.... The one pleasure we'll get out of this is to watch Smith fry.

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