Hoodniks.


Here comes Big Green, like a bat out of hell, someone gets in our way, someone don't feel so well! Hey, what's the problem, Lincoln? You depraved on account a' you're deprived?

Oh, hi, friends. Didn't know you were looking in just then. (We always seem to get caught by surprise... probably shouldn't live our lives on the Internets so much.) No, we're not working up some numbers for a West Side Story revival of some kind. Not a bit of it. Just feeling a little like outsiders, that's all. Our own village government has turned against us, our own man-sized tuber has made monkeys of us, and our own abandoned hammer mill is getting draftier by the day. (The fire brigade broke a few windows when they were here... Mayor's orders.) Ergo, we're spending more time out on the mean streets, or at least, in the mean courtyard. (Cobblestones make a lumpy mattress, friends - word to the wise.) With the cold weather coming on, it's almost like we've been exiled to Siberia, except that the snacks are a bit better. And no nasty guards. Then there's the being kept there for the rest of your life. Actually... it's a lot easier than Siberia, so scratch that last observation.

What was I saying again? Oh, yeah. Having friends in high places is turning out to be less than a benefit for us. I'm beginning to understand why. The man-sized tuber, apparently, is taking advice from anti-matter Lincoln, about as mean-spirited a piece of work as you can imagine. Imagine for a moment the ambition of a President Lincoln, matched with the guile of a Richard III. Got that in your sights? Okay, well... discard it. Anti-Lincoln is much, much worse than that. Was it not HE who worked his way back through time to seize control of the Lincoln administration from his more virtuous doppelganger? Was it not HE who made common cause with the South American-style junta leaders who took over the Cheney Hammer Mill a couple of strange years ago? Was it not HE who stole my tofurkey sandwich earlier today and tossed it out into the street when he surmised its vegan character? Such calumny! Curse him! CURSE HIM!!!

Anyway, that's what has put us on the wrong side of the law - an oversized root vegetable taking the counsel of an anti-matter great emancipator. Sure, it's complicated - LIFE is complicated. So what's new? Now when we rehearse, we have to sneak into the public library and kick some teenager out of one of the study carrels... then hope nobody notices the awful sound of our craft. Hell, there are times when we actually all have to go into different public libraries and SKYPE each other just to squeeze another rehearsal in. (The last terminal I used smelled like urine and aftershave... and if you want to know WHICH one, well... I'm just not talking to you anymore.) It's gotten to the point where only Matt and I show up at these "rehearsals", and we don't even know what we're rehearsing for. Perhaps it's a concert. Perhaps it's a riverboat cruise. So many possibilities.

My apologies. Living out in this courtyard is making me goofy with a capital stupid.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

R.I.P., uber rich lady atop killer empire

Image
When the queen of England died last week, I felt bad for the 96-year-old human being that she was, a lady about the age of my late mother. I take no joy in the death of anyone, even people I’m not crazy about, so all due condolences to her family who, I hear, are planning a quiet little funeral. Did I say little? I meant large … in fact, six billion pounds worth of funeral. Such is the institution of the British monarchy – still crazy after all these years. No, I’m not a fan of “The Royals”. I watched The Crown on Netflix or whatever, and it was mildly entertaining in a slightly nuanced gossipy kind of way. (They went way too easy on Thatcher and made Robert Kennedy look like a cheap wing man for his wife-beating brother the President.) But generally I avoid T.V. dramas about royalty mostly because it bores the living piss out of me. Then there’s that small matter of imperialism , but let’s try to keep our thoughts positive, eh, what? They’re changing the guard at T
Read more

Pulling the plug is never as easy as it looks

Image
I don’t know. I’m effing sick of this. Are you effing sick of this, too? You are ? Wow … okay. For how many years? Damn …. why didn’t you say so? I was just doing this to keep YOU happy! Well, you learn something new every day. Or at least every week. Except last week – I was kind of too busy to learn anything. It gets like that sometimes. Anyway, let’s just agree to say that you learn something new every little once in a while. Maybe every time Sylvie brings you some water. Like in the Leadbelly Song . But I digress. What the this is The “this” we’re kvetching about is this thing called blogging. We’ve been doing it for twenty years, and somehow – seemingly unnoticed by us – the world has kind of moved on. Now everything is social media, social media, etc. A few still blog, outside of the corporate shills, but it’s not really a thing anymore, and well … that’s a shame. Still, blogging has its place. I just don’t know whether or not its place is here, exactly.
Read more

Stop hiding your light under that bushel.

Image
Well, Trump started channeling QAnon in a big way this week at an Ohio rally. I’m assuming anyone who reads this blog knows what QAnon is. It’s basically the blood libel, updated for the modern age. Some idiot posted some random shit on 4chan (which happens basically every second) claiming that s/he is a secret intelligence operative and was spilling tea on upcoming FBI raids on Trump’s political enemies. It was supposed to happen in 48 hours and, of course, it didn’t. That failure, however, didn’t stop the true believers. These people must be total knuckleheads. Who would earnestly believe this crap? Of course, people have a tendency to believe whatever places them in a positive light. Whatever the case may be, QAnon has a lot of followers , and they are apparently laser-focused on the conspiracy theory. Trump is their greasy, corpulent pope. It makes total sense that he would pull those people close – they are the scrum who never left him. What they think they’re
Read more