Matt Perry — A fanatical devotee of the borgia pope, as well as a protector of feather-bearing creatures of all descriptions. The hat is standard equipment. So is the beard. (Bass guitar not included. Other Matt Perry action figure accessories sold separately.) Excoriate him at your leisure.

Joe Perry — Born on the planet Zenon. Seen here taking a cash bribe at a local bed and breakfast. Cannot be allowed out on weekends. Tried to stop tabunga with a mighty fire, but it didn’t help…it came out alive. Stop him before he kills us all!

John White
— Here he is, in his rose garden, waiting for a jitney to take him back to downtown Colombo, where the other two are set up and ready to play. Call to him from across the void of cyberspace and see if he responds. Just see.

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