News from mustyville.

Hoo-boy, it's hot in here again. Marvin (my personal robot assistant)! Open a window. No, not with a chair. You don't open windows by tossing metal chairs through.... HEY!

This is not good, folks. Marvin is doing the renegade robot from Mars bit again. It must be an errant line of code somewhere in his reams of programming. Every once in a while he gets ornery... I mean SUPER ornery. Starts breaking things, running things over, insulting people (including anti-Lincoln, who's sensitive, you know) and otherwise causing mayhem. I suppose I should count myself lucky that we're not on some interstellar tour with this happening. Living with a mechanical nutjob is one thing; sharing a cramped spacecraft with one is quite another. I don't have to tell you that.... HEY! PUT THAT DOWN! THAT'S THE ONLY ONE OF THOSE WE'VE GOT LEFT, YOU DOLT!

Right ... so much for our last rotating clay bust of Roy Orbison (with glasses a slightly darker shade of gray). Very discouraging. As if such vandalism isn't bad enough, I think it was Marvin who started circulating nasty stories about me in the press. Or maybe it's a coincidence - I have to think there's SOMEONE else out there with the name Joe Perry. It's a big universe, after all. In any case, yesterday, I'm sitting here minding my own freaking business. I open up the newspaper, and some dude named Tyler is trash talking my ass. I quote the Associated Press:

In an interview with Rolling Stone, Tyler says he and Joe Perry did drugs together in 2008 after years of sobriety .... Tyler says Perry was so impaired by snorting prescription pills, he couldn't even play his instrument.

Okay, three things. One, I don't know anybody named Tyler, so this is obviously a contrivance by a disgruntled robot (probably Marvin). Two, I resent the suggestion that drugs are making it so I can't play my instrument. Many would say I can't play my instrument even without the drugs. And finally.... how the hell did they know I'm sober? Are they hiding in my refrigerator? In my medicine cabinet? Is there no such thing as privacy anymore?!

Whoa, my apologies. I need to get out of this abandoned hammer mill a bit more. (It is a little musty in here.)

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

R.I.P., uber rich lady atop killer empire

Image
When the queen of England died last week, I felt bad for the 96-year-old human being that she was, a lady about the age of my late mother. I take no joy in the death of anyone, even people I’m not crazy about, so all due condolences to her family who, I hear, are planning a quiet little funeral. Did I say little? I meant large … in fact, six billion pounds worth of funeral. Such is the institution of the British monarchy – still crazy after all these years. No, I’m not a fan of “The Royals”. I watched The Crown on Netflix or whatever, and it was mildly entertaining in a slightly nuanced gossipy kind of way. (They went way too easy on Thatcher and made Robert Kennedy look like a cheap wing man for his wife-beating brother the President.) But generally I avoid T.V. dramas about royalty mostly because it bores the living piss out of me. Then there’s that small matter of imperialism , but let’s try to keep our thoughts positive, eh, what? They’re changing the guard at T...
Read more

All the king’s robots and all the King’s pens

Image
  We got another one of those notes, man. One of those neighbor notes about the uncut lawn. Let’s say they’re a little disappointed in us. I have to admit, I’m disappointed in us, too. We really SHOULD have mowed that lawn, but we were too damn LAZY and SHIFTLESS. (Please share this post with our neighbors so that they will feel validated.) Anyway, here we are in the abandoned Cheney Hammer Mill, no validation in sight … not even for our parking. You know, I think we might be the subject of yet another community effort to rid the neighborhood of ne’er do wells. Frankly, I object to being termed in such a way. I may not always do well, but I certainly sometimes do well. I can’t speak for any of the other members of our entourage, but I for one try to remain on the straight and narrow. (It’s been a bit too narrow lately, though.) Call in the lawn robots Now SOME people I know, and I won’t say who, hire robots to mow their lawn. I’m not super comfortable wi...
Read more

Stop hiding your light under that bushel.

Image
Well, Trump started channeling QAnon in a big way this week at an Ohio rally. I’m assuming anyone who reads this blog knows what QAnon is. It’s basically the blood libel, updated for the modern age. Some idiot posted some random shit on 4chan (which happens basically every second) claiming that s/he is a secret intelligence operative and was spilling tea on upcoming FBI raids on Trump’s political enemies. It was supposed to happen in 48 hours and, of course, it didn’t. That failure, however, didn’t stop the true believers. These people must be total knuckleheads. Who would earnestly believe this crap? Of course, people have a tendency to believe whatever places them in a positive light. Whatever the case may be, QAnon has a lot of followers , and they are apparently laser-focused on the conspiracy theory. Trump is their greasy, corpulent pope. It makes total sense that he would pull those people close – they are the scrum who never left him. What they think they’re...
Read more