Tour log: five-oh

Merry Christmas, Children? Not sure I remember the parts. Besides, that's ... well ... challenging. Anything easier for the season? Jit-Jaguar? That's a Christmas song? Oh, right.

Hey, sorry. Just working out the set list for our next string of performances. We're not one of those groups that just gets up on stage in front of 20,000 people (or 20,000 amorphous blobs of protoplasm) and wings it, playing whatever comes into our heads. No, sir ... we plan out every inch of our stage show, from the song list to the dance steps to Marvin (my personal robot assistant) juggling torches. (Yes, that's right, Marvin - it's torches this time! Deal with it!)

Right, well ... okay, we don't have dance steps per se. Nor set lists. But we do work up a vague idea of what we're going to play over the course of the next week. That's called planning, my friends. How does it work out in the specific context of Big Green's [INSERT NAME HERE] INTERSTELLAR TOUR 2011? Here's how...

11.8.2011 - Cranking out Jit-Jaguar in front of 20,000 Neptunians. They like the part about the tin pot politician apologizing to "Mr. Jesus" for calling out for robotic revenge on the town that rejected him. (Oh, yes... it's titanic theme night here on Neptune.) It's a bit of schtick, but we always bring Marvin out for this number, just so that the audience has a robot to look at while we sing of, well, robots. Never mind the cognitive dissonance of employing a peaceful robot to evoke the image of a warlike one. We give the people what they want - end of story.

11.10.2011 - Busted! Pulled over by the interplanetary highway patrol for doing 1/2C in a 1/4C zone. Anti-Lincoln was driving. Yeah, that was kind of a mistake, come to think of it. Mitch Macaphee was on break at the time, and Anti- was handy. (I call him "Auntie" sometimes because he just hates that.) The patrol hung an appearance ticket on us. We'll probably just send the check along with our guilty plea ... if the Post Office still delivers to Titan. (Cutbacks, you know. Now they send all of Pluto's mail to Saturn for processing.)

11.11.2011 - My, but that's a lot of elevens. And look... it's 11:11 a.m. Time to play Wrap Up World War I.

Next stop: mystery planet opposite the sun from Earth. You know... where everything's a mirror image of Earth, except that people eat corn on the cob on the vertical. (We learned of this from Saint Guido Sarducci.)

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