Magma cum laude.

Some people count to ten when they're angry. Others resort to a punching bag or maybe a mattress stood up against the wall. I've known people to shut themselves in a closet and scream bloody murder. But THIS ... THIS is outrageous.

Remind me, next time I start a band, don't ... repeat, don't have a mad science advisor. Sure, they can help you out in a pinch, like that time we needed to get to that gig on Neptune and our van had broken down. Or that other time when I needed a personal robot assistant. Thing is, they are so freaking mercurial. (In Mitch Macaphee's case, I think the reason for that may be that he just spent way too much time on the planet Mercury.) And when the act out, it can have profound consequences.

I've never even come close to being a scientist, but when I was a kid - like most American kids - I built a plaster volcano. Pretty sure Mitch did so when he was young, only his little 'cano burned down his elementary school and his mates had to spend the rest of the semester attending class in a cornfield. Well ... Mitch is at it again, apparently THIS time setting his sites on the Big Island in Hawaii. How do I know he's the cause of the recent eruptions? Just have a feeling, that's all. He's been spending an awful lot of time in that lab of his. And I've been hearing a lot of rumbling just lately.

I always get a little nervous when Mitch starts messing around with plate tectonics. It recalls to my mind the protagonist in Matt's song "Why Not Call It George?" - himself a kind of mad scientist, tinkering with the inner workings of our unruly little planet:

Is that thing loaded?Continental drift can be reversed
Great tumblers shift
And Pangaea can be reclaimed  
After me it can be renamed  
Why not call it George?  
Call it George, after me

While we don't have a lot of tectonic activity in our neighborhood, it does get a little shaky once in a long while. And with Mitch Macaphee still pissed off about those NASA shots of Jupiter, I wouldn't be surprised if those tremors get a little closer together. We might even wake up to aggravated volcanism, and I don't mean the plaster variety. (Note to self: order those fireproof goulashes.)

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